A Letter to the Bigwigs over at Nick Jr. & Direct TV

Never thought I’d say this, but oh, Nick Jr., how I long for you.  Yo Gabba Gabba, Mike the Knight, Backyardigans…I miss you all.

This week Nick Jr. (as well as several other channels) was dropped from Direct TV.  Apparently there is an issue with the owners of the channels raising prices and Direct TV not having it. Needless to say, Liam was quite disgruntled when he discovered this.  And to be frank, so was I.

Liam has two times during the day when he knows he can watch TV.  1) In the morning when I am having my cup of coffee.  This is a safety measure – if I have to deal with anyone before it’s even light outside, I need my coffee.  2.)   When I am getting dinner ready and/or giving Marlo her bath.  It’s a pretty good deal.  Liam gets some tube time and I get a moment to get a few things done.

Of course I tried the Sprout and Disney channels as alternatives, but Liam keeps protesting, saying, “These are not my shows.”  And who can blame him?  I don’t watch many programs, but I would totally not be cool with it if my favorite shows were taken off air and I was told to find something else.  Now, ask a three year old to do this and you’ve got problems.

Supposedly, Direct TV and the owners of Nick Jr. are in negotiations.  This is letter I would write to the bigwigs over at Nick Jr. and Direct TV if I had a bit more chutzpah in me:

Dear Thieves of Children’s  Happiness & Parents’ Sanity,

 I understand that you all are in negotiations and must reach an agreed settlement before we get our channels back that we are paying for.  I am sure the Nick Jr. Channel is on no one’s priority list since it’s been off air all week.   Clearly, since you spend your days in an office, slaving away at the corporate life, you are out of touch with us on the home front.   (Additional note: You most likely don’t have kids, or you have left your kids with your wife or hired help.) 

If you did understand life with kids on the home front, Nick Jr. would have been back on the air within 15 minutes of this debacle because you’d know a parent’s need for some f-ing relief! 

  Let me ask you something – have you ever had to clean up a poop massacre?  Do you even know what a poop massacre is?  Picture a murder scene, substitute poop for blood, there you go.  Have you even been in bumper to bumper traffic with two screaming children in your car, one kicking the back of your seat and throwing goldfish at your head?  Do you know what it’s like to be in the shower with the door open making silly faces at the little person in the bouncy seat so that a meltdown doesn’t occur?  Do you normally go to the bathroom while jiggling someone on your lap?  Imagine every need you have, down to the basic need for food, water, sleep, and elimination, being last on the list of things to do for the day – this is life on the home front with kids.  Would you like to keep my three year old and some other ticked off preschoolers  in your office while you negotiate ?  I’m positive a solution will be found before a pee-pee accident needs to be cleaned up.

Sincerely,

One mom on the home front, just tryin’ to survive

(P.S. CEO of Direct TV, next time you decide to explain your rationale on what used to be  a kids’ station, wear  a clown suit or least a fireman’s hat…jeez)

Drawing the line - discipline is no fun

Yesterday, I drew the line and gave Liam a dose of what discipline means now that he is three.  We were outside playing with his neighborhood buds and he hit his friend, Ella.  I warned Liam that if he hit or was mean to one of his friends again we were going inside and playtime would be over.  Sure enough Liam was playing unfairly with his buddy Evan and when I intervened, Liam hit me.  I held firm to my warning and told the kids that Liam had to go inside and that playtime was over.  Liam immediately started crying and telling me that he would be a good boy and that he was sorry. I thanked him for his apology and said I was glad to hear that he was going to behave, but that all actions have consequences and ending playtime was his consequence. 

I knew once we got inside Liam would want to watch TV and once the TV was on, he’d be perfectly content and would forget about what just happened outside.  So, I went a step further and said no TV when we got inside.  Boy, this did not go over well.  Tantrum number two broke out.  It took a good twenty minutes before Liam calmed down and agreed to play a game with me. 

I’m not sure if I was being too harsh.  I suppose I did give him the consequence of not playing with his friends.  I doubled it by saying no TV.  But I feel like I need to be more of a disciplinarian when it comes to being physically aggressive.  The tantrums are painful, but they end eventually.  And I hate being the disciplinarian, but kids need it.

I’m not sure how most households deal with the discipline thing, but it seems like there is one parent who ends up being the disciplinarian.   In our home, it’s me; I’m the “bad guy.”  When I was growing up, it was my father.   I’m sure the best set up is for the discipline to be equal between mom and dad.  Easier said than done.  Joe only sees the kids for about an hour each night when he gets home from work and the last thing he wants to do is discipline.  So, I’m usually stuck with being the one who ends the fun – establishes bedtime, limits TV watching, referees playdate disputes, etc. 

Anyone have thoughts or suggestions on how to make the discipline thing fairer between mom and dad? 

Water + Dirt + 15 kids = Success!

This past Saturday we celebrated Liam’s 3^rd birthday.  The kids had a blast!  Liam was in heaven.  And I have to say everything went perfectly!  The night before the party I was talking to my mom and she was having some doubts.  She thought it was going to be nuts with kids running around everywhere and was concerned that there wasn’t going to be enough entertainment.  She actually showed up to the party with a clown suit in the back of her car. No joke.  I’m not sure who she thought was going to wear it, but she brought it just in case.

I actually put a good amount of time planning and thinking out Liam’s party.  I taught for too many years and have had way too much time with Liam not to know that kids need to be kept busy.  So, I set up various play stations for the kids that were somewhat related to the party theme – gardening.

There was a “dig for bugs” station.  I hid fake bugs in our raised garden bed for the kids to search for.

There was a “water the roses” station.  This station actually turned into “dump a bucket of water on my friend’s head” station, and I think was the station that the kids enjoyed the most.

There was a “make your own butterfly mask” station.  This was good for kids who wanted a break from all the run around play.  And even a few parents sat down to make masks.

Additionally, we have a play house and a jungle gym in the backyard that provided plenty of fun for the kids.

With the exception of one splinter incident, the party was tear-free!  I was thrilled that all my hard planning had paid off.  I was not even set on the idea of having a birthday party until Liam asked me a couple of months ago who was coming to his birthday party.  I guess they get it at three that birthday parties happen and they want one.

 I told Joe, though, that we will be on the three year party cycle.  Next year will just be a small family get-together.   Liam will have to wait until he turns six to have another party with 15 friends.  But I think it is nice to have a big party at home.  One of the other moms thanked me before she left and said that she loved that I had an “old fashioned” backyard party.  I truly appreciated that she said this.  It would have been easier to set up the party at the kids’ gym down the street or to rent out space at one of the community swimming pools (especially since our refrigerator broke two days before the party and we were without a refrigerator up until two hours before the party.)   But I love welcoming people into my home.  I feel like people don’t have people over anymore.  I don’t want my kids to grow up in a home that doesn’t welcome guests.  In Judaism , hakhnasat oreḥim, "the bringing in of guests" is considered a mitzvah, an expression of kindness.    But most importantly, the look of delight that was on Liam’s face all day was enough to confirm that having the party was the right choice.

My  big three year old!

F-this dance recital

Joe and I often laugh about how liberating it would be to act like a three year old.  When Liam is pissed about something he’ll scream, kick his feet, and stomp around.  On his worst days there's not even stomping - just Homer Simpson-like donut spins on the floor.…if only adults could react that way.  Granted if adults did act that way I’m sure the world would be a much scarier place, but still – don’t you feel like screaming and stomping around when you’re having a bad day and not caring about who sees you act this way? 

                There is something wonderful about the “F-this , I’m going to do it my way” mentality of a three year old that is just totally awesome!  Liam puts this attitude to practice at his first dance recital.  He’s been in the dance class at his preschool since January.  The end of the year performance is where the kids get to perform their choreographed dance for the parents.  According to Miss Melissa, the dance teacher, Liam knew all the steps.

This is how the performance started out…(see video clip) you can spot Liam in the middle, doing nothing.

And this is how the performance ended…(see video clip) you can spot Liam as the last man standing.

I couldn’t believe my kid did NOTHING!  Hilarious…I was cracking up the entire time.  But really, it takes some gumption to pull that off.  (I’m trying to look at this positively.)  And at least I know my kid can stand perfectly still for an extended amount of time.

When I asked Liam why he didn’t do the dance with the other kids, he simply responded, “because I didn’t feel like it.”  Brilliant!  The three year old version of “f-this.” 

The Minimalist Approach to Parenting

I wish someone told me the first time around as a parent how little is less with kids.  I suppose it was comforting knowing I had every gadget available for any situation.  And, of course, Liam had to have every baby toy imaginable.  Somehow I must have thought that toy was going to keep him occupied and playing peacefully while I kept house – boy was I wrong! 

                I know better now.  A little tale from the Friedman house happenings the other evening demonstrates this. 

I was giving Liam his nightly bath and left him to play for a few minutes while I changed Marlo.  Mid diaper change, Liam is calling me to look at something.  I go back into the bathroom and find him standing with a poop the size of a football in his hands, saying “Gross Mommy!”  Indeed, gross!  (Although Liam is potty trained, sometimes an occasional tub accident will occur.  I think there is something about the buoyancy and the urge to go that don’t compute.)

I used to allow Liam to have an entire bucket full of bath toys.  A tub accident like this would have been a disaster if the ol’ bucket of toys was in there.  Luckily, I have taken the minimalist approach for tub time.  Liam is allowed two toys.  Check out his current toys – an old nasal aspirator and a purple, porous octopus sand scoop.  

In addition to playing with his two toys, he plays with the wall fish. (Highly recommend for kids' bathrooms!)   He cleans them and talks to them.  It is quite an ordeal to clean them all since the tiles are covered with them.  When bath time is over, there are two toys to put away instead of fifteen, and if an accident occurs in the tub, there are only two toys destroyed!

Something that really surprised me was that he seemed to have just as good of a time in the tub with two toys as he did with an entire bucket full.  The difference – he is challenged to use a bit more of his imagination!  Any other parenting minimalist approaches/ideas out there? Do share!

(Oh, and I am in the midst of redesigning my blog so there might be a few changes to layout!)

Stepping it Up!

My big boy will be three in a month and I think it’s time to step it up a notch! Today, Liam officially began his weekly chore chart.  Liam loves helping and being given responsibility.  And if there is one valuable lesson I learned from teaching, it is to give children jobs so they feel invested in being a contributing member of the classroom (or in Liam’s case – the family).    I downloaded a simple chore chart from simplemom.net and purchased three glass jars to organize his weekly allowance.  Here are the chores that he will be expected to complete: sorting the silverware from the dishwasher sans sharp knives, setting the table, helping in the kitchen (dinner prep), helping with laundry, making his bed (really assisting me in doing this), picking up toys before bed time, taking out the trash (again, assisting me), dusting base boards along floor, and vacuuming the rug in his room.

I chose chores that I knew he’d be successful at and chores that will really help me out.  Some chores, like making his bed and picking up his toys, will be completed daily. Other chores such as vacuuming his rug and dusting will only be done a couple of times per week.  He is given a nickel for each chore he completes and we mark it off on his chore chart with a sticker.  Originally, I had planned on giving him his allowance at the end of the week.  But after he completed his first two chores today, he was so excited to get the money and put it into one of his money jars that I’ve decided to give him his allowance daily.  I think the immediate gratification is needed. Once he’s a bit older then I can hold off on the allowance until the end of the week.

As for his allowance, he has to divide it up among three jars:  SAVINGS, SPENDING, and TZEDAKAH (Hebrew for righteousness, but it is associated with charity and giving).   I love that we are teaching him about managing money at this age! And I think it is important to establish a habit of giving from early on.

So, yesterday Liam and I discussed his chore chart and allowance jars, and this morning Liam completed his first two chores: making his bed and sorting the silverware from the dishwasher.  Drum roll please……it was a success!  Liam LOVED completing his chores, getting his stickers, and putting his money into his jars.  Additionally, Liam only watched TV for 15 minutes this morning. The morning TV thing is something I really struggle with.  Liam wakes up around 6:30 am and doesn’t go to school until 9 am.  Our sprinklers go on in the morning so it is too wet outside to play, and I am always trying to get things organized in the morning – Joe out the door, breakfast made, lunch packed for Liam, etc.  Not to mention I have Marlo who needs to be fed (still at the boob).  I hate plopping him down in front of the TV, but it allows me time to get things done.  I am hoping that with the chore chart Liam will be busier in the morning, watch less TV, and actually help me out a bit.

Look at my cutie sorting silverware!

There are not too many days in which I feel like the super star mom, but today I do! Patting myself on the back!!

Any other moms out there have chore success stories or some helpful tips?  I really want to keep this project going!

Thanking My Lucky Stars

This past weekend I had my first traumatic parenting experience.    It was Sunday and Joe and I were involved in some major unpacking.  My mom was down for the day helping out.  She drove down in her Ford Explorer - a car Liam loves because it’s big.  (Well, compared to my Prius it’s big.)  I often will let Liam “pretend drive” my Prius.  Of course the keys are never in there and it’s always parked in the gated driveway so it’s pretty safe.

Liam asked if he could drive the Explorer.  I said he could as long as daddy would watch him.  So Liam jumped up into the Explorer’s driver’s seat and Joe went outside to supervise/organize moving boxes.  I was inside when I heard Joe scream like I’ve never heard him scream before “STOP! STOP!”  I immediately ran outside.  As I am running to get to the yard I am screaming “Stop” as well. I have no idea what I am screaming at, but I am assuming if Joe is screaming this then I should too.  And I am thinking that the reason he is screaming this is because Liam has somehow wondered into the middle of the street and a car is about to hit him.  I am terrified.  And I surely was not prepared to see what was actually going on.   Once I reach the front door I see the Explorer rolling down the street with Liam behind the wheel and Joe is running after the car!  My two year old is literally driving a car!  

I start to run after the car as well.  I am now screaming at Joe to get Liam out of car.  Joe reaches the car and opens the driver’s side door to grab the wheel and slow down the car.  Thankfully, there was a curb ahead and no car was parked in the way.  The Explorer lightly hit the curb and came to a stop.  Liam just seemed confused about the whole situation until he saw me terrified and crying.  Then he got pretty upset. 

Looking back at it, the whole situation is humorous – Liam driving, Joe yelling at him to stop (like Liam knows what he’s doing.)  And as I was running to the car, I kicked off my slippers to run better.  One slipper found its way into our neighbor’s rose bush.

But the reality is that we got really lucky.  What if Liam were to have gotten scared and tried to get out of the moving car?  What if there were other kids outside?  There are about 10 kids who live on our street and there are usually at least 5 kids playing outside daily.  There could have been a car parked in front of the curb – a smaller issue, but still, we got lucky that no one got hurt and we weren’t dealing with insurance companies for the rest of the day.

We are still not sure how Liam got the Explorer to start rolling.  The keys were not inside so he must have somehow knocked it into neutral and our driveway has enough of a slant that it started to roll.  Lesson learned - no more “pretend driving” real cars for Liam.

I am sure Liam will appreciate this story years from now and we have certainly laughed about it since, but I was pretty traumatized.  So, yes, I am thanking my lucky stars that my car-loving little boy survived his first experience behind the wheel.