In response to today's events

In addition to shedding a few tears and staring at my babies sleeping for longer tonight than I usually do, I could only process the tragedy of today with writing.  Not that any words said or written can make things better, but it is my way of processing things.


I can't imagine what losing a child would be like.  To be honest, this is stuff that keeps me up at night.  I know it's ridiculous and somewhat self-destructive to think about these things, but I can't help it.  I think of how wonderful and happy I am and then I think of all the things that could happen that could take the most precious people away from me.  And days like today just make these thoughts worse.

Joe lost his little sister, Molly, when she was 13.  Joe was a freshman in college.  I wish I could have met Molly.  We named Marlo after her.  I hope her spirit lives within Marlo in some small way.  When I visited Joe's hometown, we went to Molly's grave.  While we were giving Mary (Joe's mom) some time alone at Molly's grave, I was in tears.  Of course I didn't want Mary to see me upset, but I just couldn't bare seeing a mother at her child's grave.  As a parent, you always imagine that your child will out live you.  And it seems like such an injustice when this is not the case.

Molly was sick and her death, obviously, was very different from the lives of the children that were taken today.  But no matter what, the death of a child is just so wrong.  The dreams destroyed.  In the words of James Baldwin, "The children are always ours, every single one of them..."

My heart goes out to all the victims - the children and the teachers - and their families.