How Kari Sees it!: Raising a Daughter

Marlo's first birthday was on Monday - Inauguration Day and MLK day - what a great day to turn one! I really can't believe it's been a year already. But I felt this way with Liam and I'm sure I'll feel this way each year about both of our kids. We just had a simple family party for her.

For Liam's first birthday, I remember Joe and I got him a bunch of gifts. We just got one gift for Marlo. Maybe my slimming down on b-day gifts is because this is my second child and I know that I need to control the amount of toy clutter that accumulates with children. Or maybe it's because Marlo's birthday follows shortly after Hanukkah and Christmas and I feel like we already have tons of new toys in the house.

But, even choosing one gift for Marlo was hard. I found myself second guessing her birthday gift. Every time I saw something that I thought she'd like, I would ask myself, "what message am I giving my daughter by giving her this gift? " I suppose this is silly since she's one and just likes to chew and bang on things. But it's different raising a daughter. I saw this cute little one year old pretend make up kit, and thought that it wouldn't be a good gift because I don't want her thinking at a young age that she needs to or should wear make up. I've never done this thinking with Liam. Even if he has taken a liking to toys that are not stereotypical boy toys, I encourage him and think that it will make him a more open thinker and develop his "softer" side.

I love my children equally, of course, and I would stop at nothing to protect them. But there is a part of me that feels like there are things I need to protect Marlo from that I will never have to protect Liam from. I know years from now, on prom night, I will make sure my son has a condom. I will make sure I give him a strict and meaningful conversation about respecting women. On Marlo's prom night, I will make sure we have the conversation about why it's important to wait to have sex and why she never has to do anything, ANYTHING, that she doesn't want to. And that a real man, a good man, would never pressure her. And I will proceed to bite off all my finger nails that night and take Tums for indigestion. I'm not saying that I don't need to protect Liam because I do. But there is something about raising a daughter in this world where young girls think they need to dress sexy and give their bodies over to be "chosen" by a guy, that just makes me so nervous about this adventure of motherhood with a daughter.

I'm not sure if it's wrong that I feel this way. I just do. And for some reason, it was this first birthday, and the decision of what perfect gift to give her that got me thinking all of these things. And what did we end up of giving her? A stroller to push around. Okay, okay, I know the message here is that her place in life is to be a mother. (And please God, do not have my daughter's experience of first time motherhood be like mine!) But really, is there any "girl" toy that doesn't deliver a message? And I thought this stroller would motivate her to walk since we're not walking yet.