The New Me

On Friday night Marlo didn't wake up until 4:00 am which meant that I got 6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  And I felt FABULOUS yesterday!!  I seriously had an extra jump in my step.  I had energy to give, which is unique.  I was the mom that I want to be.  Because I had so much energy and was on cloud 9, we had such a wonderful Saturday.

I made blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast.  After breakfast we all took a nice walk through the neighborhood, and then Joe took Liam for a bike ride while I put Marlo down for a nap (and she napped for 3 hours!!!!)  We then hung out at the house for a while.  I set up Liam's paints which kept him busy for a solid hour.  For lunch, we had a picnic in the backyard.  This is such a simple thing to do and it made Liam so happy.  I mean, I was making sandwiches for us already.  I just had to throw a blanket out in the yard and call it a picnic - easy!  But on the days when I am overly tired and stressed, this simple act of entertainment and family time seems like too much effort...so lame.

Look at this happy face - I vow to have backyards picnics more often.

 After lunch Liam and I picked lemons from our lemon tree and made homemade lemonade.

We've lived in this house for 10 months and I no idea that our lemon tree had such gorgeous and delicious lemons. 

Lemonade stand this summer, here we come!!

After Marlo woke up, both kids played nicely inside with Joe, while I prepared dinner in the slow cooker (3 for 3 on prepared meals! go me!!)  We then headed over to Treasure Island Beach, the gorgeous beach in Laguna right by the Montage.  The kids played in the sand, the view was beautiful - it was just perfect.

See that small figure out on the rocks? That's my husband! 

Picture speaks for itself, does it get any cuter than this?

When we got home, dinner in the slow cooker was ready!  I felt like such a rock star.  I always want to be this mom - the creative type who is making the best out of the weekends for her family.  I am reading this book about family traditions right now and it emphasizes that what our children will remember the most are the rituals, the traditions.  It's not the expensive vacation to Hawaii or the highly desired birthday gift that my children will remember when they're adults.  It will be that I made pancakes every Saturday (I don't do this, but I'd like to) or that I always sung "A Birdie with a Yellow Bill" when I woke them up in the morning (my mother did this to me).

Yesterday was a wake up call for me.   I realized a few important things. 1.) I am sleep deprived enough that it is negatively affecting my mood on most days.  I need to go to bed earlier or find other ways to get more rest.  2.) When I am happy, and more present, my family is happier, which then makes me giddy with delight.  Win, win.  3.) The amount of effort it takes to keep Liam occupied and happy is really not that much.  It takes some organization and more effort, but it's nothing out of control.  And he is so much happier and better behaved.  4.)  When we are having a great day, the fact that the laundry didn't get done, or the living room is a bit messy, doesn't bother me one bit.  Instead of a mess being a reminder of my inadequacies, it is a reminder of a happy, and wonderfully busy family.

Evil Mommy

So Marlo's fussiness continued today, but she was also yanking at her left ear like crazy.  So I made an appointment with her doctor and sure enough she has an ear infection.  I feel awful that I made her cry alone in her crib with an ear infection and a tooth coming in at the same time.  Poor baby girl.  Of course she has not gone to the dark side!  She was just sick.  I guess my mommy intuition was lacking.  I suppose I just thought she was teething badly and that was that. 

I was talking to my mom the other day and giving her a bit of "woe is me" with my Marlo issues and she questioned me, asking me if I thought something was wrong.  She suggested that I take her to see her doctor.  I quickly told her that Marlo didn't need a doctor and that this is all just a phase.  Of course, this goes down in my book of the millionth time my mother is right.  But it's true.  My mother is always right.  I'm wondering when the "mother is always right" segment of my life will begin?  Soon, I hope.

Look at this face!!!!

A complete 180

Marlo has always been the most mellow, easy going, happy-go-lucky baby.  She's the type of baby I can sit down and she'll independently play with toys while I do laundry or cook dinner, or write a long email.  With the exception of her refusal to accept a bottle, she's been such an easy baby.  So easy that I've even felt a little guilty thinking (and remembering with Liam) that babies are more difficult. 

But, alas, the tables have turned.  My darling, sweet girl has turned into a high maintenance 1 year old.  She is going through a major mommy phase right now.  She doesn't even want Joe to hold her.  She immediately starts screaming and crying if I am not the one holding her - ugh - so exhausting and annoying.  She even cries when I put her down to do things in the house.  If I want to keep her happy, she's on my hip 24/7.  And she's a 22 lb. baby.  This all started about 4 or 5 days ago.  And she's been waking up between 3 - 4 am each night a not falling back to sleep.  Last night I couldn't take it anymore. I was so tired and I knew Joe was exhausted so I put her in her crib and let her cry. I had the monitor on so I wasn't getting much sleep listening to her.  But I thought she'd for sure pass out at some point. Nope.  She cried from 3:30 - 6 am!!!  Granted, her crying decreased but she was still awake, sitting up in her bed, and crying when I came in at 6 to get her. Oh, and she pooped herself.  That's her go to.  If I leave her in her crib to cry she will poop herself.

She's cutting one of her top teeth so I'm hoping this is just a bad teething and mommy infatuation stage.   But it's weeks like this that makes me think Joe and I are nuts for wanting more kids.  So, I think we might be holding off on that right now.  I'm so tired I can't imagine throwing another in the mix.  I think one day we will have another, but maybe when we're getting more sleep and I'm not walking around like a zombie.

Another thing is that I can't imagine planning a pregnancy right now.  The effort seems way too much. One of my friends suggested that I just let it happen on it's own.  God bless her heart, but we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old!! Our kids wake up usually by 5:30 am (6 if we're lucky) and I'm still breastfeeding one of them!! How often does she think we're getting down in this house?? My OBGYN said that we should have sex 5 times around my fertile time if we want to get pregnant and I seriously had to stop myself from laughing.  Gone are the days of having sex 5 times over the course of three days. I mean, we'd literally have to hire someone to watch the kids while we had sex and that is just weird, really weird.  If there are parents of a 3 year old and a 1 year who are having sex 5 times a week, then that's awesome - they are most likely super heroes or something rather.

So, that's the update folks.  A bit of a 180.

Yeah baby!!

I'm overly excited folks!!! I'm going to be an actual published writer!!! So, I have an acquaintance/friend who works for a travel magazine.  She reached out to me via FB because she's looking for a story for the "Family Getaways" section of the magazine.  The magazine is interested in our family vacation to Rodanthe back in October.  Sooooo, I got assigned the job!!!!  The article needs to be 200 words and I get to include pictures.  It doesn't pay anything, but I get to be published!!!

I know this is small.  But someplace deep within me yearns to write.  I mean really write.  I'd love to write young adult fiction.  I'd love to write children's books.  Sometimes I reread Miss Rumphius to myself two or three times after Liam has fallen asleep because I love the simple yet profound messages in children's books.  You know that Robert Allen quote, "Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone"?  Well, this is just the case for me.  Who am I to think that I can write?  Of course it makes me uncomfortable.  But I do want this.  And I want to push myself to get my writing published even if it's a small article that pays nothing. 

Being at home with my children is a gift from God, it truly is.  I am privileged to be able to not work.  But when I was working, I at least had something that was for me outside of my life with the kids and Joe.  There was a Kari that wasn't just mommy and wife.  But being at home has taken this away from me and I miss the me that is outside my family's life.  I am a servant to my children and to my husband.  And I mean a servant in the most respected and loving way.  I serve my family because I love them and want them, want us, to flourish.  But being given this small writing assignment has opened up this place within me that has been wanting to come out for a long time.

So, yeah baby!  This isn't about mommy-time or wife-time...this is about Kari-time! 

Raising a Daughter

Marlo's first birthday was on Monday - Inauguration Day and MLK day - what a great day to turn one!   I really can't believe it's been a year already.  But I felt this way with Liam and I'm sure I'll feel this way each year about both of our kids.  We just had a simple family party for her. 

For Liam's first birthday, I remember Joe and I got him a bunch of gifts.  We just got one gift for Marlo.  Maybe my slimming down on b-day gifts is because this is my second child and I know that I need to control the amount of toy clutter that accumulates with children.  Or maybe it's because Marlo's birthday follows shortly after Hanukkah and Christmas and I feel like we already have tons of new toys in the house. 

But, even choosing one gift for Marlo was hard.  I found myself second guessing her birthday gift.  Every time I saw something that I thought she'd like, I would ask myself, "what message am I giving my daughter by giving her this gift? "  I suppose this is silly since she's one and just likes to chew and bang on things.   But it's different raising a daughter.  I saw this cute little one year old pretend make up kit, and thought that it wouldn't be a good gift because I don't want her thinking at a young age that she needs to or should wear make up.   I've never done this thinking with Liam.  Even if he has taken a liking to toys that are not stereotypical boy toys, I encourage him and think that it will make him a more open thinker and develop his "softer" side.

I love my children equally, of course, and I would stop at nothing to protect them.  But there is a part of me that feels like there are things I need to protect Marlo from that I will never have to protect Liam from.  I know years from now, on prom night, I will make sure my son has a condom. I will make sure I give him a strict and meaningful conversation about respecting women.  On Marlo's prom night, I will make sure we have the conversation about why it's important to wait to have sex and why she never has to do anything, ANYTHING, that she doesn't want to.  And that a real man, a good man, would never pressure her.  And I will proceed to bite off all my finger nails that night and take Tums for indigestion.  I'm not saying that I don't need to protect Liam because I do.  But there is something about raising a daughter in this world where young girls think they need to dress sexy and give their bodies over to be "chosen" by a guy, that just makes me so nervous about this adventure of motherhood with a daughter.

I'm not sure if it's wrong that I feel this way.  I just do.  And for some reason, it was this first birthday, and the decision of what perfect gift to give her that got me thinking all of these things.  And what did we end up of giving her? A stroller to push around.  Okay, okay, I know the message here is that her place in life is to be a mother. (And please God, do not have my daughter's experience of first time motherhood be like mine!)  But really, is there any "girl" toy that doesn't deliver a message?  And I thought this stroller would motivate her to walk since we're not walking yet.

Birthday gift stroller from Mom, Dad, and Liam

My happy, sweet 1 year old!

Waiting for birthday cake

 

Birthday banner with a year of photos - sorry it's sideways!

Delicious bundt cake...Marlo LOVED it

Doing it with kids because I have to

Well, a nasty stomach flu has hit the Friedman family pretty hard.  Marlo was the first to get it on Sunday.  She was up two nights in a row, throwing up every hour and having diarrhea.  After we went through all the bed sheets, we were just sleeping on towels.  It was a rough night.  I got it yesterday and then Joe woke up at about 4 am with it.  It takes you out, but it seems to pass quickly.  I already feel a whole lot better today.

As I write this, Joe is in bed and he's been in bed all day.  And Joe never misses work so it's a big deal if he stays home because he's sick.  I've been taking care of the kids, like I always do.  Earlier when I was checking on Joe, he said, "I don't know how you did this yesterday with kids."  My response: "It sucked, but I didn't have another choice."  And this highlights the big difference between the roles in our marriage.  I am 100% responsible for the kids - even when I'm sick and I'm running to the bathroom to vomit. 

I don't mind this.  I know we have different roles.  But I was actually happy that he acknowledged how hard it must have been to be so sick and have to take care of the kids.  There is no sick and in bed day for mommy.  For daddy, yes, but not for mommy.  Sigh.  Is it bad that I think it would be fabulous to be sick and watch TV in bed all day?  A gal can dream.

TTC, 2WW, BFP, BDing, WTF??!

Okay, so Joe  and I have talked about having another baby. I know, what are we thinking and who would sign on the dotted line of insanity?! My husband and I.  Both of us have always wanted a big family so here we are thinking about baby #3 / #4.  Since we have Gabbie, this baby would technically be the fourth Friedman baby, but Gabbie does not live with us.  She lives in Philadelphia.  So, I guess the number changes to three if we just refer to the kiddos in our house.

We've also agreed that we want the kids closer together in age rather than farther apart.  I love that Marlo and Liam are two and a half years apart.   They are close enough in age to play, but each got to be given the priority as the infant of the house.  I also think for me, personally, having a twelve year old and a newborn would be rough. I mean, in some ways, it would be great because a twelve year old would be a big help, but on the other hand, the kids would be in such different places in their lives.  I like that right now we have toys that Liam and Marlo play with together.  Cherrios are everywhere.  Bath-time is shared.  It's all babyland and preschool land at Casa Friedman.

Not to mention that I look forward to the day when my children are grown and Joe and I will have a few years together to just be us.  We never got that.  When we met, we each had a child.  We don't know any other life than this life with kids.  And we love this life.  But since we never got those few years of being married without kids, we both look forward to one day being married without kids in the house - even though we'll be old and wrinkly!  Having our children closer in age, gives us this time together sooner.  (Not that we're trying to kick the kids out of the house, but you get the point.)

Anywho, as stated in my last post, Aunt Flo returned.  So, we're officially able to conceive again.  But since AF just came back, I have no idea how long my cycles are, when the right time to conceive is, etc.  And we're not 100% set on having another baby right away, but we thought it would be good to just get things in order when we do decide.  Moreover, I have a blood clotting condition, called Factor V Leiden, that prevents me from taking birth control so it's good for me to know when I ovulate since I can't be on any form of birth control that involves estrogen.  I briefly spoke with my OBGYN, Dr. Finke (LOVE  this man - do check out his picture on his website, he is adorable), and he said that I should use an Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) to determine when I'm ovulating so I can figure out my cycles.

I've never used an OPK.  If you're a frequent reader of my blog you'll know that Liam's pregnancy was definitely not planned, and with Marlo, we weren't really trying, but we weren't preventing it either.  So, the idea of actually planning  pregnancy is totally new to me. Since this whole thing is new, I thought I'd read some message boards on Babycenter.com  to see if anyone recommended a particular OPK.

And wow, if I had known the acronym lingo that was required of me to read a "trying to conceive" (TTC) message board, I would have just asked my OBGYN for an OPK recommendation.  Seriously, it's nuts - hence my post title.  Those are just a few of the acronyms that one should know if they decide to read  a TTC message board.  My favorite...BDing.  Baby dancing.  So, yes, Joe and I will now refer to sex centered around trying to conceive as baby dancing because that is f-ing hilarious. 

Obviously, I want to know if anyone else has a fabulous acronym for trying to conceive sex.  We are not set on using "BDing."  Any comical suggestions?