Evil Mommy

So Marlo's fussiness continued today, but she was also yanking at her left ear like crazy.  So I made an appointment with her doctor and sure enough she has an ear infection.  I feel awful that I made her cry alone in her crib with an ear infection and a tooth coming in at the same time.  Poor baby girl.  Of course she has not gone to the dark side!  She was just sick.  I guess my mommy intuition was lacking.  I suppose I just thought she was teething badly and that was that. 

I was talking to my mom the other day and giving her a bit of "woe is me" with my Marlo issues and she questioned me, asking me if I thought something was wrong.  She suggested that I take her to see her doctor.  I quickly told her that Marlo didn't need a doctor and that this is all just a phase.  Of course, this goes down in my book of the millionth time my mother is right.  But it's true.  My mother is always right.  I'm wondering when the "mother is always right" segment of my life will begin?  Soon, I hope.

Look at this face!!!!

A complete 180

Marlo has always been the most mellow, easy going, happy-go-lucky baby.  She's the type of baby I can sit down and she'll independently play with toys while I do laundry or cook dinner, or write a long email.  With the exception of her refusal to accept a bottle, she's been such an easy baby.  So easy that I've even felt a little guilty thinking (and remembering with Liam) that babies are more difficult. 

But, alas, the tables have turned.  My darling, sweet girl has turned into a high maintenance 1 year old.  She is going through a major mommy phase right now.  She doesn't even want Joe to hold her.  She immediately starts screaming and crying if I am not the one holding her - ugh - so exhausting and annoying.  She even cries when I put her down to do things in the house.  If I want to keep her happy, she's on my hip 24/7.  And she's a 22 lb. baby.  This all started about 4 or 5 days ago.  And she's been waking up between 3 - 4 am each night a not falling back to sleep.  Last night I couldn't take it anymore. I was so tired and I knew Joe was exhausted so I put her in her crib and let her cry. I had the monitor on so I wasn't getting much sleep listening to her.  But I thought she'd for sure pass out at some point. Nope.  She cried from 3:30 - 6 am!!!  Granted, her crying decreased but she was still awake, sitting up in her bed, and crying when I came in at 6 to get her. Oh, and she pooped herself.  That's her go to.  If I leave her in her crib to cry she will poop herself.

She's cutting one of her top teeth so I'm hoping this is just a bad teething and mommy infatuation stage.   But it's weeks like this that makes me think Joe and I are nuts for wanting more kids.  So, I think we might be holding off on that right now.  I'm so tired I can't imagine throwing another in the mix.  I think one day we will have another, but maybe when we're getting more sleep and I'm not walking around like a zombie.

Another thing is that I can't imagine planning a pregnancy right now.  The effort seems way too much. One of my friends suggested that I just let it happen on it's own.  God bless her heart, but we have a 3 year old and a 1 year old!! Our kids wake up usually by 5:30 am (6 if we're lucky) and I'm still breastfeeding one of them!! How often does she think we're getting down in this house?? My OBGYN said that we should have sex 5 times around my fertile time if we want to get pregnant and I seriously had to stop myself from laughing.  Gone are the days of having sex 5 times over the course of three days. I mean, we'd literally have to hire someone to watch the kids while we had sex and that is just weird, really weird.  If there are parents of a 3 year old and a 1 year who are having sex 5 times a week, then that's awesome - they are most likely super heroes or something rather.

So, that's the update folks.  A bit of a 180.

Yeah baby!!

I'm overly excited folks!!! I'm going to be an actual published writer!!! So, I have an acquaintance/friend who works for a travel magazine.  She reached out to me via FB because she's looking for a story for the "Family Getaways" section of the magazine.  The magazine is interested in our family vacation to Rodanthe back in October.  Sooooo, I got assigned the job!!!!  The article needs to be 200 words and I get to include pictures.  It doesn't pay anything, but I get to be published!!!

I know this is small.  But someplace deep within me yearns to write.  I mean really write.  I'd love to write young adult fiction.  I'd love to write children's books.  Sometimes I reread Miss Rumphius to myself two or three times after Liam has fallen asleep because I love the simple yet profound messages in children's books.  You know that Robert Allen quote, "Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone"?  Well, this is just the case for me.  Who am I to think that I can write?  Of course it makes me uncomfortable.  But I do want this.  And I want to push myself to get my writing published even if it's a small article that pays nothing. 

Being at home with my children is a gift from God, it truly is.  I am privileged to be able to not work.  But when I was working, I at least had something that was for me outside of my life with the kids and Joe.  There was a Kari that wasn't just mommy and wife.  But being at home has taken this away from me and I miss the me that is outside my family's life.  I am a servant to my children and to my husband.  And I mean a servant in the most respected and loving way.  I serve my family because I love them and want them, want us, to flourish.  But being given this small writing assignment has opened up this place within me that has been wanting to come out for a long time.

So, yeah baby!  This isn't about mommy-time or wife-time...this is about Kari-time! 

Raising a Daughter

Marlo's first birthday was on Monday - Inauguration Day and MLK day - what a great day to turn one!   I really can't believe it's been a year already.  But I felt this way with Liam and I'm sure I'll feel this way each year about both of our kids.  We just had a simple family party for her. 

For Liam's first birthday, I remember Joe and I got him a bunch of gifts.  We just got one gift for Marlo.  Maybe my slimming down on b-day gifts is because this is my second child and I know that I need to control the amount of toy clutter that accumulates with children.  Or maybe it's because Marlo's birthday follows shortly after Hanukkah and Christmas and I feel like we already have tons of new toys in the house. 

But, even choosing one gift for Marlo was hard.  I found myself second guessing her birthday gift.  Every time I saw something that I thought she'd like, I would ask myself, "what message am I giving my daughter by giving her this gift? "  I suppose this is silly since she's one and just likes to chew and bang on things.   But it's different raising a daughter.  I saw this cute little one year old pretend make up kit, and thought that it wouldn't be a good gift because I don't want her thinking at a young age that she needs to or should wear make up.   I've never done this thinking with Liam.  Even if he has taken a liking to toys that are not stereotypical boy toys, I encourage him and think that it will make him a more open thinker and develop his "softer" side.

I love my children equally, of course, and I would stop at nothing to protect them.  But there is a part of me that feels like there are things I need to protect Marlo from that I will never have to protect Liam from.  I know years from now, on prom night, I will make sure my son has a condom. I will make sure I give him a strict and meaningful conversation about respecting women.  On Marlo's prom night, I will make sure we have the conversation about why it's important to wait to have sex and why she never has to do anything, ANYTHING, that she doesn't want to.  And that a real man, a good man, would never pressure her.  And I will proceed to bite off all my finger nails that night and take Tums for indigestion.  I'm not saying that I don't need to protect Liam because I do.  But there is something about raising a daughter in this world where young girls think they need to dress sexy and give their bodies over to be "chosen" by a guy, that just makes me so nervous about this adventure of motherhood with a daughter.

I'm not sure if it's wrong that I feel this way.  I just do.  And for some reason, it was this first birthday, and the decision of what perfect gift to give her that got me thinking all of these things.  And what did we end up of giving her? A stroller to push around.  Okay, okay, I know the message here is that her place in life is to be a mother. (And please God, do not have my daughter's experience of first time motherhood be like mine!)  But really, is there any "girl" toy that doesn't deliver a message?  And I thought this stroller would motivate her to walk since we're not walking yet.

Birthday gift stroller from Mom, Dad, and Liam

My happy, sweet 1 year old!

Waiting for birthday cake

 

Birthday banner with a year of photos - sorry it's sideways!

Delicious bundt cake...Marlo LOVED it

Doing it with kids because I have to

Well, a nasty stomach flu has hit the Friedman family pretty hard.  Marlo was the first to get it on Sunday.  She was up two nights in a row, throwing up every hour and having diarrhea.  After we went through all the bed sheets, we were just sleeping on towels.  It was a rough night.  I got it yesterday and then Joe woke up at about 4 am with it.  It takes you out, but it seems to pass quickly.  I already feel a whole lot better today.

As I write this, Joe is in bed and he's been in bed all day.  And Joe never misses work so it's a big deal if he stays home because he's sick.  I've been taking care of the kids, like I always do.  Earlier when I was checking on Joe, he said, "I don't know how you did this yesterday with kids."  My response: "It sucked, but I didn't have another choice."  And this highlights the big difference between the roles in our marriage.  I am 100% responsible for the kids - even when I'm sick and I'm running to the bathroom to vomit. 

I don't mind this.  I know we have different roles.  But I was actually happy that he acknowledged how hard it must have been to be so sick and have to take care of the kids.  There is no sick and in bed day for mommy.  For daddy, yes, but not for mommy.  Sigh.  Is it bad that I think it would be fabulous to be sick and watch TV in bed all day?  A gal can dream.

TTC, 2WW, BFP, BDing, WTF??!

Okay, so Joe  and I have talked about having another baby. I know, what are we thinking and who would sign on the dotted line of insanity?! My husband and I.  Both of us have always wanted a big family so here we are thinking about baby #3 / #4.  Since we have Gabbie, this baby would technically be the fourth Friedman baby, but Gabbie does not live with us.  She lives in Philadelphia.  So, I guess the number changes to three if we just refer to the kiddos in our house.

We've also agreed that we want the kids closer together in age rather than farther apart.  I love that Marlo and Liam are two and a half years apart.   They are close enough in age to play, but each got to be given the priority as the infant of the house.  I also think for me, personally, having a twelve year old and a newborn would be rough. I mean, in some ways, it would be great because a twelve year old would be a big help, but on the other hand, the kids would be in such different places in their lives.  I like that right now we have toys that Liam and Marlo play with together.  Cherrios are everywhere.  Bath-time is shared.  It's all babyland and preschool land at Casa Friedman.

Not to mention that I look forward to the day when my children are grown and Joe and I will have a few years together to just be us.  We never got that.  When we met, we each had a child.  We don't know any other life than this life with kids.  And we love this life.  But since we never got those few years of being married without kids, we both look forward to one day being married without kids in the house - even though we'll be old and wrinkly!  Having our children closer in age, gives us this time together sooner.  (Not that we're trying to kick the kids out of the house, but you get the point.)

Anywho, as stated in my last post, Aunt Flo returned.  So, we're officially able to conceive again.  But since AF just came back, I have no idea how long my cycles are, when the right time to conceive is, etc.  And we're not 100% set on having another baby right away, but we thought it would be good to just get things in order when we do decide.  Moreover, I have a blood clotting condition, called Factor V Leiden, that prevents me from taking birth control so it's good for me to know when I ovulate since I can't be on any form of birth control that involves estrogen.  I briefly spoke with my OBGYN, Dr. Finke (LOVE  this man - do check out his picture on his website, he is adorable), and he said that I should use an Ovulation Predictor Kit (OPK) to determine when I'm ovulating so I can figure out my cycles.

I've never used an OPK.  If you're a frequent reader of my blog you'll know that Liam's pregnancy was definitely not planned, and with Marlo, we weren't really trying, but we weren't preventing it either.  So, the idea of actually planning  pregnancy is totally new to me. Since this whole thing is new, I thought I'd read some message boards on Babycenter.com  to see if anyone recommended a particular OPK.

And wow, if I had known the acronym lingo that was required of me to read a "trying to conceive" (TTC) message board, I would have just asked my OBGYN for an OPK recommendation.  Seriously, it's nuts - hence my post title.  Those are just a few of the acronyms that one should know if they decide to read  a TTC message board.  My favorite...BDing.  Baby dancing.  So, yes, Joe and I will now refer to sex centered around trying to conceive as baby dancing because that is f-ing hilarious. 

Obviously, I want to know if anyone else has a fabulous acronym for trying to conceive sex.  We are not set on using "BDing."  Any comical suggestions? 

And finally...she returns...and it ain't pretty

Well, on a very personal note, it's been a year and 10 months and finally, Aunt Flo has returned.  This, of course, explains my bad attitude over the past several days and my impulse purchase and (sadly) my eating of Oreo cookies at 10 am yesterday. 

I forgot how much getting your period sucks.  I mean, it's almost been two years since I've had one.  And I'll be perfectly frank, it was AWESOME.  I got my period back when Liam was about 4 months so I didn't reap the benefits as much, but I think the fact that Marlo never really took a bottle (with the exception of a couple of times) and that I'm with her all day prolonged AF's return.

It's truly incredible what women endure.  I feel like I am in constant battle with womanhood.  Menstrual cycles, pregnancy, breastfeeding...either way, there's an attack of crazy raging hormones.  Is there ever a time in a woman's life when she's not under attack?

Joe and his friends are trying to organize a men only football watching day and (most likely due to my current state) I was aghast at him even asking me if he could attend.  Ugh, I just don't know if I'm ready for the emotional ride of being fertile and dealing with periods.  I was finally getting to a place where I felt good at being a SAHM and then this hits and it all starts getting messy again. 

I know it's all just nutty hormones making me feel like crap, but I'm just not use to this mood swing thing.  What a buzz kill on life!

On a happier note, my nanny is coming today so I think I'll do something nice for myself.  And we have plenty of delicious wine from our trip last weekend to indulge in once 5 o'clock hits.  Oh, who am I kidding...once 4 o'clock hits!

Wine tasting mishaps: one black eye, one baby falls off the bar

This past weekend we took the new Traverse for a little road trip up to Santa Ynez for some wine tasting.  We took the kids and my mother-in-law and thank God for my mother-in-law.  Liam can not be in a wine tasting room.  So Mary would play outside with Liam and we'd take Marlo into the tasting rooms with us.

The weekend was wonderful!  Joe and I dream of owning a little home one day in the Santa Ynez valley.  It's truly God's land - beautiful mountains, views of the ocean, horses grazing, and fruitful vineyards everywhere - what's not to love about this place.

Of course, our trip had a couple of mishaps as stated in my post title.  Liam got a shiner under his right eye.  He was jumping around in the hotel room and knocked his eye on the corner edge of a counter.  I'm actually surprised that this is his first black eye.  He's pretty rough and tumble so I'm sure there will be many more of these accidents down the road.

But the most humiliating mishap was when Marlo fell off the bar.  Yep, you read that right.  The baby fell off the bar.  (Mysti - if you're reading this post, for the love of your little brother, DO NOT tell your mother about this!!!)  It all happened so fast, Joe and I still argue about the details.  But, here's my side of the story: Marlo was sitting on the tasting room bar and I was supporting her. I asked Joe to hold on to her as I reached down to get something out of the diaper bag, which was on the floor.  As I was standing up, Joe let's go of Marlo and she falls.  Now, she didn't fall on her head; she fell on her patted tush.  And it was more of a sliding off the bar since both Joe and I were reaching for her and trying to break her fall.  I honestly don't know what was more painful - watching her fall or seeing Joe look to everyone else in the tasting room and say, "She's fine everyone; she's fine."  Everyone in that room was horrified. 

Of course I looked up at Joe when he announced Marlo was fine and said," Joseph Friedman she is not fine! She just fell off the bar!!"  And then proceed to scoop Marlo up and run out the tasting room in tears.  Apparently, Joe thought that when I stood up I was reaching out to take Marlo.  I don't see how he thought this since my hands were not reaching toward her, but whatever.  What's done is done.  Marlo is fine.  And after we realized there was no permanent damage done, we had a pretty good laugh about the incident.  I mean, can you imagine what those folks in the tasting room were saying about us after we left??!! Hilarious.  At least we gave them all a good wine tasting story to tell.  Classic, humiliating stuff.  Of course we didn't tell Mary.  She'd be so mad . 

That one goes down in the bad parenting log for sure!  Anwho - here are some pics from the trip - I didn't take too many.

Ostriches at Ostrich land - we didn't feed these guys because they were crazy scary and looked like they'd eat your hand off in a second.

 

The Emus were smaller and much more chill so Liam fed the Emus.

Our favorite winery this trip was Bridlewood!  Great wine and GORGEOUS landscape - we became members, too!

We visited my dear friend Casey and Marlo warmed up right away to her adorable poodles - this is a picture of Marlo and Lily (sorry out of focus).  We also saw my friend and former colleague, Simon and his wife.  It's wonderful to have friends in the area - Joe and I are jealous that they get to live this life! 

This is the first time we did an olive oil tasting and we loved it.  We came home with some delicious organic olive oils.  I also will now feel bad every time I buy cheap olive oil since I've been schooled about why good olive oil is more expensive.  

And an adorable picture of my husband - I love this man more and more each day!

 

New Year's Resolutions! Let's do this!

Happy New Year everyone!  I'm really excited for 2013.  Last year was a BUSY year - new baby, a big move, new home...lots of changes.  But I finally feel like Orange County is my home and slowly but surely, I am getting more comfortable with my role as a SAHM.  So, for my resolutions I thought I'd create three lists: Keep Doing, Start Doing, and Stop Doing.  So here we go!

Keep Doing:
1.) Continue to work on getting Liam to make "healthy choices" with food - vegetables ain't so bad kid!
2.) Continue to work on my blog. Push myself to read more blogs and connect more with the blogging community.
3.) Continue to plan celebrations at our home for holidays, etc.  Even though it's a ton of work, these are the things that my children will remember, love, and appreciate.

Start Doing:
1.) Organize our family photos - finish Liam's baby book, make Marlo's baby book, make our wedding album, and complete the album of our family vacation to Rodanthe - stop making excuses for not doing this!
2.) Take a few cooking classes - learn some new tricks in the kitchen!
3.) Workout!  I'd love to commit to a weekly yoga class or log in a certain amount of miles running, but I'm not there yet.  Life with the kids is still so nuts, but I suppose I can plan by the week and choose at least 2 or 3 days to do something physical!

Stop Doing:
1.) Stop letting Liam's tantrums turn my day into a stressful day - he is 3, he's supposed to act this way sometimes.
2.) Stop giving Joe guilt trips when he wants to engage in an excessive amount of ESPN watching on the weekends.  The man is working his butt off - he needs down time, too.

Well, that's about it!  I'm keeping it simple.  I'd rather be successful than do a half-ass job with my resolutions.  And, who am I kidding - exercise 2-3 times a week?!!! This is a total challenge!

Oh, and an update on my new ride - we got our Traverse last week on Thursday!  I;ve only driven it twice but I'm in love with it!

Sorry for the bad picture, but here she is!  My neighbor joked with me and said I succumbed to the white SUV trend of moms in Orange County.  Yes, I did!  I actually didn't know it was an Orange County mom thing to have white car, but so be it. I fit the role so I might as well have the car!

We also decided to buy out the Prius! Yay!  Joe had to part with his baby. Or as I called it, his thugster and/or old man's car.  Joe thinks he'll sell the Prius next year and get something nicer.  I think he should keep it, but I suppose his ego wants something a bit more showy and less green!

Anywho, I wish the best to all my readers in the new year!!!