Sanity Update

Well, as it turns out, getting some exercise and taking a shower really can improve your outlook on life!  Go figure, duh.  I took Marlo for a really long walk today, about an hour, as she napped and yes, I attacked the rat's nest.   And, I get to have my nanny tomorrow morning from 7-1! Yahoo!  This woman is a life savior!  I mean, it is concerning and sad that I actually started to plummet into the deep abyss of self-pity without her for a couple of weeks.  But, hallelujah, she's back tomorrow!!  When I sent Joe a text at work saying that I had our nanny for Friday morning, his response: "Praise the Lord."  Our nanny is religious lingo worthy in our house.

Funny story to share: On Tuesday night I had Joe pick up take-out for dinner because I had no energy to cook dinner round 2 once he got home from work.  As I was complaining about cooking, cleaning, and the kids (ya know, the usual) Joe said, "I wonder how my mom did it.  She never had any help and always had this delicious dinner every night.  I guess times have changed."  (In defense of Joe's obnoxious and poorly timed comment, he did add on that he remembered his house was always messy and the standard of what moms were expected to do were not as demanding when he was growing up as they are now.)

My retort: "Your mother's idea of a rough day is a bit different from mine.  Your mother didn't have indoor plumbing until she was 16 years old.  And she had three natural births and says contractions don't hurt - they're just uncomfortable.  Oh, and your mother mother knows how to skin a chicken! Like a real one!"

My mother-in-law is a remarkable woman and I do love her like a mother.  I know not all women love their mother-in-laws this way so I do consider myself lucky.  But if Joe ever expected me to live without indoor plumbing, he'd be single and for those of you who have never experienced a birth contraction - they f-ing hurt, okay?!

Not to scare anyone from birth or mothering - it's all totally amazing and awful and fabulous and torturous wrapped up into one experience!  Do it!

And because Marlo got the video highlight in my last post, check out this little stud.

Going back to that dark place...

Intervention is needed folks.  I've been without my nanny for two weeks and I've hit my breaking point.  The girlfriend I share my nanny with has needed her for extra days because she has some family things that she has needed to focus on.  I know how much my girlfriend needs our nanny so I've had no problem giving up my days, but demon voice has resurfaced. 

I'd like to think that I have more will power and that my sanity is better.  But it's not.  Starting Tuesday night my evil twin showed up with a bad attitude and she has no intention of leaving.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate feeling like I can't cope.  I mean this is my job - be at home with the kids, keep house, make the meals, do the shopping, keep our finances organized.  I hate feeling like I'm failing at it.  It's weeks like this when I just want a "real" job.  I want to be out of the house.  I want a reason to wash my hair and comb out the rat's nest that's been growing for days.  Both kids are fed and in clean clothes today so I guess I'm not failing completely.  But when I snap at Liam and when the favorite part of my day is when the kids go to bed, I know something isn't adding up right. 

Even me writing this post is just avoidance - therapeutic avoidance so I think it's okay.  But I just need to buck up!  Need to give myself the good ol' mommy does it all pep talk and move forward.  Stifle the inner biltch that has been looming all week.  Remember that I have a great life: two beautiful children, and the sweetest husband in the world.  At the end of the day, I'm the only person who can make myself happy...although my glass of wine at 5 pm sure helps...

Okay, blah, blah, lame complaining, I know...here's a cute video of my girl laughing from my kiss attack.

Because farting is always funny

When I was little my brother (the younger of the two) would torture me with his flatulence.  To tick me off, he would fart on my pillow right before bed time or grab the cat and fart on its head.  As much as I hated it, I couldn't help but crack up with gut bubbling laughter when he did it. Why? Because farting is always funny, at least for me.  How do you think I survived teaching middle school for six years? 

Today, I saw history, my family history, repeat itself.  I was getting Liam and Marlo ready for their bath and Liam was messing around.  He bent over and put his (thankfully underwear covered tush) in Marlo's face and announced: "1, 2, 3 4, 5 fart!  I put farty poop on her!"  And he ripped a big one, right in her face.  I had to turn around and hide my laughter.  I couldn't help it!  Farting is always funny!  Once I composed myself, I gave him a little lecture about potty talk, the grossness of his actions, and made him apologize.  But all the while he had a grin on his face - he knew it was funny.  And he knew that tonight was the first of many sibling fart tortures. 

Progress!

We're pushing the stroller!  She's slow, but I think we're getting closer to walking. 

Liam was so excited when he saw her pushing her stroller.  I think he's been waiting for her to walk so she can be more of a playmate.  Fingers crossed that we'll be walking by summertime - a reasonable goal!

A Love Affair

Today my in-laws came down from Los Angeles to visit and we had a wonderful day.  The weather was gorgeous so we enjoyed the outdoors for most of the day. My mother-in-law, Mary, shared a cute story with me.  She was chatting with her girlfriend about Liam and told her that she feels like she is having a love affair with Liam.  She can't stop thinking about him or talking about him and she just wants to spend every minute of the day with him.  I hope this is how I love my grandchildren one day.

Our dinner table outside

Miss Cutie

My Boy

Stunning Flowers from my mother-in-law (in my grandmother's vase)

Let's see, other updates...Valentine's day was fun!  I made heart shaped waffles for Liam and he had a pizza party and a Valentine exchange at school.  I went out of my way to get him a red shirt for the day, but he insisted on wearing a collared shirt with a tie for the day - such a ladies man already!  (Sorry, no pic with the tie on!!)

Last year around Valentine's Day we were officially in Escrow for our house and Joe didn't get me a card or anything for Valentine's Day, but he said he was getting me a house.  Fair enough.  So, I told him I was wondering what he'd be getting me this year since it would be hard to beat last year's gift.  He said the house was the gift that kept on giving, each month, with each mortgage payment.  Witty guy I married for sure.  He did get me some nice flowers and a cute card by the end of the day.  And in the card he wrote: "P.S. Your new hair do is super hot!!"  (I just got some high lights and low lights put in.)  My husband couldn't have complimented me better!  It's been a while since I've felt "hot," but by god - when I read that card, I felt smokin' hot!

 

I'm glad I made the effort to make Liam's breakfast special.  I think I will make some green pancakes or something on St. Patty's day.  It really is adorable to see the excitement that silly, simple things like this brings him.  And although I feel like Valentine's Day is ridiculous and I made it about the kids, it really is nice to have one day out of the year dedicated to LOVE.  I've been trying to be more loving.  I play the part of the boss around the house pretty well.  But I always want my children and husband to see me and think of love, not the bossy/rule making mommy/wife. 

They're mine again!! (My boobs, that is)

Well, Marlo is down to one feeding a day, the before bedtime feed.  So, my boobs are officially, almost, mine again!  Yes!!!!! I know how wonderful breast feeding is, but, man, when your baby doesn't even take a bottle, nursing gets old, really, really fast.  Not to mention that the breast feeding gods really wanted to give me the run around - breast infections, thrush (like 10 times!!!!), lacerations because I had a baby who just wanted more all the time, etc.

I'm sure Joe will be pleased as well since I will be retracting the "no touching my boobs" rule that I enforced a while back.  I know it may seem cruel, but  I had to do it.  When your boobs are accessed all night like a 7 Eleven, the thought of having anyone else touch them, even in an intimate moment is analogous to rubbing your eyes after chopping up and handling a jalapeno.  The best part of this story is when I enforced this rule, Joe was puzzled, and said, "I don't get it.  When you were nursing Liam you let me touch your boobs."  To which I responded, "Of course I let you! I was trying to get you to marry me! Duh?" 

I just love being able to wear regular bras and not have to limit my outfit to "nursing friendly" apparel.  I'm not sure when we'll end our last feeding.  I'm not in any hurry to get rid of it.  It's a nice way to end the day and who doesn't love that milk drunk look?!

My apologies for making this entire post about my boobs, but so you have it.

Them Against Me & My Cute Heart

It's amazing that Liam has already figured out the benefits of strength in numbers.  Recently he has been saying things and including Marlo as if that will give him more of an advantage.  Upon finding my secret stash of girl scout cookies the other day, he asked, "Mom can you open these? Marlo and I need to try these."  And just this morning, he found an unopened pack of nails and asked if I could open them because he and Marlo needed to fix some things around the house.  

Even though it's completely one sided, I know Marlo will soon be doing this as well.  It's ridiculously adorable.   For right now, since it really is just Liam versus me, I am usually the winner.  But give these two a few more years, and my secret stash of girl scout cookies will be eaten before I know it.  I don;t even want to think about the teenage years until I really have to so I'll pretend that eating cookies without my permission is as bad as it gets. 

Update on Marlo's physical therapy:  she is the world's most cautious baby!  Just this week the therapist asked me to leave the room because Marlo wasn't focusing with me in there. She'd crawl over to me and bury her face in my lap in tears when pushed to do something.  Her physical therapist says she's strong enough to do it all, but she's just very cautious.  Here is a video that pretty much shows how hesitant she is:

She is a cute heart though.  I just adore her. 

The New Me

On Friday night Marlo didn't wake up until 4:00 am which meant that I got 6.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  And I felt FABULOUS yesterday!!  I seriously had an extra jump in my step.  I had energy to give, which is unique.  I was the mom that I want to be.  Because I had so much energy and was on cloud 9, we had such a wonderful Saturday.

I made blueberry pancakes and bacon for breakfast.  After breakfast we all took a nice walk through the neighborhood, and then Joe took Liam for a bike ride while I put Marlo down for a nap (and she napped for 3 hours!!!!)  We then hung out at the house for a while.  I set up Liam's paints which kept him busy for a solid hour.  For lunch, we had a picnic in the backyard.  This is such a simple thing to do and it made Liam so happy.  I mean, I was making sandwiches for us already.  I just had to throw a blanket out in the yard and call it a picnic - easy!  But on the days when I am overly tired and stressed, this simple act of entertainment and family time seems like too much effort...so lame.

Look at this happy face - I vow to have backyards picnics more often.

 After lunch Liam and I picked lemons from our lemon tree and made homemade lemonade.

We've lived in this house for 10 months and I no idea that our lemon tree had such gorgeous and delicious lemons. 

Lemonade stand this summer, here we come!!

After Marlo woke up, both kids played nicely inside with Joe, while I prepared dinner in the slow cooker (3 for 3 on prepared meals! go me!!)  We then headed over to Treasure Island Beach, the gorgeous beach in Laguna right by the Montage.  The kids played in the sand, the view was beautiful - it was just perfect.

See that small figure out on the rocks? That's my husband! 

Picture speaks for itself, does it get any cuter than this?

When we got home, dinner in the slow cooker was ready!  I felt like such a rock star.  I always want to be this mom - the creative type who is making the best out of the weekends for her family.  I am reading this book about family traditions right now and it emphasizes that what our children will remember the most are the rituals, the traditions.  It's not the expensive vacation to Hawaii or the highly desired birthday gift that my children will remember when they're adults.  It will be that I made pancakes every Saturday (I don't do this, but I'd like to) or that I always sung "A Birdie with a Yellow Bill" when I woke them up in the morning (my mother did this to me).

Yesterday was a wake up call for me.   I realized a few important things. 1.) I am sleep deprived enough that it is negatively affecting my mood on most days.  I need to go to bed earlier or find other ways to get more rest.  2.) When I am happy, and more present, my family is happier, which then makes me giddy with delight.  Win, win.  3.) The amount of effort it takes to keep Liam occupied and happy is really not that much.  It takes some organization and more effort, but it's nothing out of control.  And he is so much happier and better behaved.  4.)  When we are having a great day, the fact that the laundry didn't get done, or the living room is a bit messy, doesn't bother me one bit.  Instead of a mess being a reminder of my inadequacies, it is a reminder of a happy, and wonderfully busy family.