Going back to that dark place...

Intervention is needed folks.  I've been without my nanny for two weeks and I've hit my breaking point.  The girlfriend I share my nanny with has needed her for extra days because she has some family things that she has needed to focus on.  I know how much my girlfriend needs our nanny so I've had no problem giving up my days, but demon voice has resurfaced. 

I'd like to think that I have more will power and that my sanity is better.  But it's not.  Starting Tuesday night my evil twin showed up with a bad attitude and she has no intention of leaving.  I hate feeling this way.  I hate feeling like I can't cope.  I mean this is my job - be at home with the kids, keep house, make the meals, do the shopping, keep our finances organized.  I hate feeling like I'm failing at it.  It's weeks like this when I just want a "real" job.  I want to be out of the house.  I want a reason to wash my hair and comb out the rat's nest that's been growing for days.  Both kids are fed and in clean clothes today so I guess I'm not failing completely.  But when I snap at Liam and when the favorite part of my day is when the kids go to bed, I know something isn't adding up right. 

Even me writing this post is just avoidance - therapeutic avoidance so I think it's okay.  But I just need to buck up!  Need to give myself the good ol' mommy does it all pep talk and move forward.  Stifle the inner biltch that has been looming all week.  Remember that I have a great life: two beautiful children, and the sweetest husband in the world.  At the end of the day, I'm the only person who can make myself happy...although my glass of wine at 5 pm sure helps...

Okay, blah, blah, lame complaining, I know...here's a cute video of my girl laughing from my kiss attack.