The D-Bag Dilemma

I am consistently dissatisfied with my choice in diaper bags.  After two kids and three diaper bags, I still haven’t found one that works for me.  I think I first started off with a large Eddie Bauer bag.  It was just way too big and burdensome, but I liked that it was a neutral color and didn’t scream “diaper bag!!”    My girl friend Francie gave me one that was handmade by a friend of hers and this one I ended up using for most of Liam’s babyhood years.  It was stylish, washable, and medium sized.  I ended up throwing it away after it pretty much was worn down.  It was also an over the shoulder bag which doesn’t work with two kids – one on the hip, one running circles around me.  But this bag was my favorite out of the three.

I currently have a SkipHop bag.  I like that it has a variety of small zipper pockets for my personal items.  And it is large enough for the needs of two kids.  But it has handles like a hand bag so it doesn’t feel good over the shoulder and what mom is going to carry a diaper bag in her hand?  I usually just end up leaving it in my trunk and throwing a few spare diapers in my own purse and some wipes.  It is rare that I am ever too far away from my car or the house.

But this weekend we are going to Philadelphia to visit our 10 year old daughter, Gabbie.  This will be the sisters first time meeting! So cute!  Anywho, these are the times I want a diaper bag that works for me.  Philadelphia is a walking city and not to mention a well packed diaper bag is key for any flight.

My girlfriend Amanda, who has been a nanny for years, prefers backpacks.  I like this idea, but I want something that has a bit more visual appeal so I can use it as a purse as well.  I’ve heard great things about Petunia Pickle bags and like the satchel model that converts to a back pack.  http://www.petunia.com/bags/sashay-satchel

But these are so pricey!!! And I’m not sure I want to hop on this trend wagon since I feel like every OC mom has one of these.  But I need a bag that works for me!  And I suppose I’m willing to spend over a hundred dollars if I’m satisfied.  And Joe and I are planning on having another baby.  (I know, we’re nuts, right?)  So, if I do spend money on a bag, and I like it – it will be put to good use.

Any diaper bag suggestions out there?

What do you think I do all day Friedman?

The other day Joe and I were going to watch a television series on Netflix.  As I was selecting Episode #1 Joe, asked if we could watch Episode #2 since he’d already seen Episode #1.  (Side note:  Joe knows I hate watching anything that is not from the start, be it a movie or a TV series.)  I reminded him that I hate it when we watch things that have already started and I don’t get to see the plot set up, etc.  His response:  “Just watch it tomorrow during the day when I’m at work.”  

I was shocked.

I quickly shot back, “Really?  What do you think I do all day Friedman?  Watch TV and do my nails?  I’m working all day, too.”

Joe quickly realized his mistake and agreed with me that I am working all day too and that we could start the series from Episode #1.

Despite the fact that Joe quickly got out of the hole he dug, I can’t help but play back his response over and over again in my head.   Do people really think that stay at home moms have the time to watch TV??  Especially stay at home moms who have young children that are not in school full time?  

This blog and uploading photos from my camera are about the only luxuries I allow myself.  I don’t go shopping unless I’m going to the grocery store or Target.  I don’t take myself out for lunch.  I am usually eating Liam’s leftovers and something out of the refrigerator that is about to go bad – it’s disgusting really.  If I get both kids to nap at the same time I will try to sneak in a shower, but that’s because I never get to shower when I want to, ever.

My friend Erica wrote a blog posting a few weeks ago about feeling guilty for having her “me time.”  I was so thankful to read her post and know that there are other moms out there feeling the same way.  But to think that my husband even thought for a moment that I would watch TV during the day really got me thinking. 

You know that show “Wife Swap”…well, I’d like to have a spousal role swap for the day.  I’m not saying Joe’s job is easy.  I’d probably leave his office crying if we swapped jobs for the day.  (I’d cry my way right over to Fashion Island which is conveniently located across the street from Joe’s office.)   But I wish Joe knew what the day was like for me.  Oddly enough, for me, being a stay at home mom is ten times harder than being a working mom.   Even that sentence sounds wrong to me because I am a working mom.  Sigh…

Man, I feel like a woman!

This past Saturday, Joe and I went out to dinner for the first time in over half a year.  Yep. It’s been that long since we’ve had a date night.  Ridiculous, indeed, but it’s been a pretty busy six months.  Marlo was born, we moved to Orange County, Joe started a new job, and we bought a new house.  Date night was not really on the “to do” list.  Not to mention Marlo has never taken a bottle and will only breastfeed so that has made leaving her with anyone very difficult.

Luckily, we got both kids to sleep on Saturday night and we were staying at my mom’s house so we had a great babysitter on site.  We weren’t even prepared for an evening out.  Joe suggested we eat at Lukshon, one of our favorite restaurants in Los Angeles, and I said we didn’t have clothes to go there.   Joe brought me to my senses by saying, “Who cares?” and we were off!  Joe was wearing the clothes he had worn all day with a day’s growth on his face and I put on a pair of jeans that had a spit up stain on them. 

Here is a picture of us before we left my mom’s house.

The night was great!  We had adult conversation without talking over Dora the Explorer and I got to wear my hair down.  My long hair that is always in a ponytail so Marlo won’t grab at it, was down for the evening…I felt like a sexy woman again!  It didn’t matter that my jeans had spit up stains or that I was wearing nursing pads.  And it became so apparent that Joe and I need to do this more often.  We need to find time for ourselves as a couple.  We’re pretty good about visiting our family and friends.  And, of course, Liam and Marlo are our priorities, but we haven’t put much time into our marriage.  We did go away for a wine tasting weekend in May, but we brought Marlo. It’s different when you don’t have the kids and the whole parenting responsibility is not there.

I guess it’s easy to put your relationship with your spouse on the back burner. I’m not sure why?  And Joe and I always have a good time together so evenings at home after the kids have gone to sleep are nice and relaxing.  But we deserve a night out every once in a while!  And I deserve to feel like a woman and not always a mom in sweatpants…so pathetic.  And really, in addition to the kids, Joe is the most important person in my life.  There is no reason for putting our time together on the back burner.  I am not sure how to make sure we get this time together though.  I feel like we need some structure so we can commit.  We can’t let another 6 months go by without having some wife & husband time.

Anyone have any suggestions?  Do scheduled date nights or date lunches work?  What’s realistic with two young kids?

A Letter to the Bigwigs over at Nick Jr. & Direct TV

Never thought I’d say this, but oh, Nick Jr., how I long for you.  Yo Gabba Gabba, Mike the Knight, Backyardigans…I miss you all.

This week Nick Jr. (as well as several other channels) was dropped from Direct TV.  Apparently there is an issue with the owners of the channels raising prices and Direct TV not having it. Needless to say, Liam was quite disgruntled when he discovered this.  And to be frank, so was I.

Liam has two times during the day when he knows he can watch TV.  1) In the morning when I am having my cup of coffee.  This is a safety measure – if I have to deal with anyone before it’s even light outside, I need my coffee.  2.)   When I am getting dinner ready and/or giving Marlo her bath.  It’s a pretty good deal.  Liam gets some tube time and I get a moment to get a few things done.

Of course I tried the Sprout and Disney channels as alternatives, but Liam keeps protesting, saying, “These are not my shows.”  And who can blame him?  I don’t watch many programs, but I would totally not be cool with it if my favorite shows were taken off air and I was told to find something else.  Now, ask a three year old to do this and you’ve got problems.

Supposedly, Direct TV and the owners of Nick Jr. are in negotiations.  This is letter I would write to the bigwigs over at Nick Jr. and Direct TV if I had a bit more chutzpah in me:

Dear Thieves of Children’s  Happiness & Parents’ Sanity,

 I understand that you all are in negotiations and must reach an agreed settlement before we get our channels back that we are paying for.  I am sure the Nick Jr. Channel is on no one’s priority list since it’s been off air all week.   Clearly, since you spend your days in an office, slaving away at the corporate life, you are out of touch with us on the home front.   (Additional note: You most likely don’t have kids, or you have left your kids with your wife or hired help.) 

If you did understand life with kids on the home front, Nick Jr. would have been back on the air within 15 minutes of this debacle because you’d know a parent’s need for some f-ing relief! 

  Let me ask you something – have you ever had to clean up a poop massacre?  Do you even know what a poop massacre is?  Picture a murder scene, substitute poop for blood, there you go.  Have you even been in bumper to bumper traffic with two screaming children in your car, one kicking the back of your seat and throwing goldfish at your head?  Do you know what it’s like to be in the shower with the door open making silly faces at the little person in the bouncy seat so that a meltdown doesn’t occur?  Do you normally go to the bathroom while jiggling someone on your lap?  Imagine every need you have, down to the basic need for food, water, sleep, and elimination, being last on the list of things to do for the day – this is life on the home front with kids.  Would you like to keep my three year old and some other ticked off preschoolers  in your office while you negotiate ?  I’m positive a solution will be found before a pee-pee accident needs to be cleaned up.

Sincerely,

One mom on the home front, just tryin’ to survive

(P.S. CEO of Direct TV, next time you decide to explain your rationale on what used to be  a kids’ station, wear  a clown suit or least a fireman’s hat…jeez)

Drawing the line - discipline is no fun

Yesterday, I drew the line and gave Liam a dose of what discipline means now that he is three.  We were outside playing with his neighborhood buds and he hit his friend, Ella.  I warned Liam that if he hit or was mean to one of his friends again we were going inside and playtime would be over.  Sure enough Liam was playing unfairly with his buddy Evan and when I intervened, Liam hit me.  I held firm to my warning and told the kids that Liam had to go inside and that playtime was over.  Liam immediately started crying and telling me that he would be a good boy and that he was sorry. I thanked him for his apology and said I was glad to hear that he was going to behave, but that all actions have consequences and ending playtime was his consequence. 

I knew once we got inside Liam would want to watch TV and once the TV was on, he’d be perfectly content and would forget about what just happened outside.  So, I went a step further and said no TV when we got inside.  Boy, this did not go over well.  Tantrum number two broke out.  It took a good twenty minutes before Liam calmed down and agreed to play a game with me. 

I’m not sure if I was being too harsh.  I suppose I did give him the consequence of not playing with his friends.  I doubled it by saying no TV.  But I feel like I need to be more of a disciplinarian when it comes to being physically aggressive.  The tantrums are painful, but they end eventually.  And I hate being the disciplinarian, but kids need it.

I’m not sure how most households deal with the discipline thing, but it seems like there is one parent who ends up being the disciplinarian.   In our home, it’s me; I’m the “bad guy.”  When I was growing up, it was my father.   I’m sure the best set up is for the discipline to be equal between mom and dad.  Easier said than done.  Joe only sees the kids for about an hour each night when he gets home from work and the last thing he wants to do is discipline.  So, I’m usually stuck with being the one who ends the fun – establishes bedtime, limits TV watching, referees playdate disputes, etc. 

Anyone have thoughts or suggestions on how to make the discipline thing fairer between mom and dad? 

Water + Dirt + 15 kids = Success!

This past Saturday we celebrated Liam’s 3^rd birthday.  The kids had a blast!  Liam was in heaven.  And I have to say everything went perfectly!  The night before the party I was talking to my mom and she was having some doubts.  She thought it was going to be nuts with kids running around everywhere and was concerned that there wasn’t going to be enough entertainment.  She actually showed up to the party with a clown suit in the back of her car. No joke.  I’m not sure who she thought was going to wear it, but she brought it just in case.

I actually put a good amount of time planning and thinking out Liam’s party.  I taught for too many years and have had way too much time with Liam not to know that kids need to be kept busy.  So, I set up various play stations for the kids that were somewhat related to the party theme – gardening.

There was a “dig for bugs” station.  I hid fake bugs in our raised garden bed for the kids to search for.

There was a “water the roses” station.  This station actually turned into “dump a bucket of water on my friend’s head” station, and I think was the station that the kids enjoyed the most.

There was a “make your own butterfly mask” station.  This was good for kids who wanted a break from all the run around play.  And even a few parents sat down to make masks.

Additionally, we have a play house and a jungle gym in the backyard that provided plenty of fun for the kids.

With the exception of one splinter incident, the party was tear-free!  I was thrilled that all my hard planning had paid off.  I was not even set on the idea of having a birthday party until Liam asked me a couple of months ago who was coming to his birthday party.  I guess they get it at three that birthday parties happen and they want one.

 I told Joe, though, that we will be on the three year party cycle.  Next year will just be a small family get-together.   Liam will have to wait until he turns six to have another party with 15 friends.  But I think it is nice to have a big party at home.  One of the other moms thanked me before she left and said that she loved that I had an “old fashioned” backyard party.  I truly appreciated that she said this.  It would have been easier to set up the party at the kids’ gym down the street or to rent out space at one of the community swimming pools (especially since our refrigerator broke two days before the party and we were without a refrigerator up until two hours before the party.)   But I love welcoming people into my home.  I feel like people don’t have people over anymore.  I don’t want my kids to grow up in a home that doesn’t welcome guests.  In Judaism , hakhnasat oreḥim, "the bringing in of guests" is considered a mitzvah, an expression of kindness.    But most importantly, the look of delight that was on Liam’s face all day was enough to confirm that having the party was the right choice.

My  big three year old!