A Letter to the Bigwigs over at Nick Jr. & Direct TV

Never thought I’d say this, but oh, Nick Jr., how I long for you.  Yo Gabba Gabba, Mike the Knight, Backyardigans…I miss you all.

This week Nick Jr. (as well as several other channels) was dropped from Direct TV.  Apparently there is an issue with the owners of the channels raising prices and Direct TV not having it. Needless to say, Liam was quite disgruntled when he discovered this.  And to be frank, so was I.

Liam has two times during the day when he knows he can watch TV.  1) In the morning when I am having my cup of coffee.  This is a safety measure – if I have to deal with anyone before it’s even light outside, I need my coffee.  2.)   When I am getting dinner ready and/or giving Marlo her bath.  It’s a pretty good deal.  Liam gets some tube time and I get a moment to get a few things done.

Of course I tried the Sprout and Disney channels as alternatives, but Liam keeps protesting, saying, “These are not my shows.”  And who can blame him?  I don’t watch many programs, but I would totally not be cool with it if my favorite shows were taken off air and I was told to find something else.  Now, ask a three year old to do this and you’ve got problems.

Supposedly, Direct TV and the owners of Nick Jr. are in negotiations.  This is letter I would write to the bigwigs over at Nick Jr. and Direct TV if I had a bit more chutzpah in me:

Dear Thieves of Children’s  Happiness & Parents’ Sanity,

 I understand that you all are in negotiations and must reach an agreed settlement before we get our channels back that we are paying for.  I am sure the Nick Jr. Channel is on no one’s priority list since it’s been off air all week.   Clearly, since you spend your days in an office, slaving away at the corporate life, you are out of touch with us on the home front.   (Additional note: You most likely don’t have kids, or you have left your kids with your wife or hired help.) 

If you did understand life with kids on the home front, Nick Jr. would have been back on the air within 15 minutes of this debacle because you’d know a parent’s need for some f-ing relief! 

  Let me ask you something – have you ever had to clean up a poop massacre?  Do you even know what a poop massacre is?  Picture a murder scene, substitute poop for blood, there you go.  Have you even been in bumper to bumper traffic with two screaming children in your car, one kicking the back of your seat and throwing goldfish at your head?  Do you know what it’s like to be in the shower with the door open making silly faces at the little person in the bouncy seat so that a meltdown doesn’t occur?  Do you normally go to the bathroom while jiggling someone on your lap?  Imagine every need you have, down to the basic need for food, water, sleep, and elimination, being last on the list of things to do for the day – this is life on the home front with kids.  Would you like to keep my three year old and some other ticked off preschoolers  in your office while you negotiate ?  I’m positive a solution will be found before a pee-pee accident needs to be cleaned up.

Sincerely,

One mom on the home front, just tryin’ to survive

(P.S. CEO of Direct TV, next time you decide to explain your rationale on what used to be  a kids’ station, wear  a clown suit or least a fireman’s hat…jeez)