"Sat Nam" - Truth is My Identity

My wonderful girl friend, who is also pregnant, told me about Bountiful, Beautiful, Blissful, a book by Gurmukh, a well known yogi who is considered an expert in pre/postnatal yoga.  I got the book this week and couldn’t put it down.  It was so rewarding to read Gurmukh’s message.  

                Once I hit the six months mark in this pregnancy, I started wishing my pregnancy away – not Baby Friedman, I can’t wait to meet her – but I have been complaining about how “over” being pregnant I am.  Gurmukh reminds her readers to slow down and to enjoy every minute of the pregnancy.  She emphasizes that in pregnancy “Your definition of self changes from “I” to “we.”  To have a child is to undergo transformation.”  Baby Friedman and I are making this transformation together and I have to give us the full amount of designated time to do this, and I need to cherish it because it is such an honor to receive this gift of motherhood.  Furthermore, she discusses how “Just as within the yogic tradition, the Jewish Kabbalists teach that our souls choose our parents, because only particular parents can teach a particular soul what it has to learn in this lifetime.”  I love the idea that baby Friedman has chosen me and she is not some random happening of science.  And this time when are bodies are one is the closest our souls will ever be so I might as well enjoy every minute of this pregnancy and give our souls some mingling time! 

                At the end of each chapter, Gurmukh suggests a mediation to practice with a particular focus.  She teaches through each mediation to use the mantra “Sat Nam” while breathing. “Sat” on the inhale and “Nam” on the exhale.  The “Sat Nam” mantra translates to truth is my identity. These meditations and breathing techniques can be used during labor.  I respect the importance of keeping true to one’s self during the labor process.  I had a cesarian with Liam and am trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarian) with baby Friedman.  But I am fully aware that depending on what goes on at the end of the pregnancy and during labor can change my plans, and I might being going under the knife again for baby number two.  Or I might be able to make it through hours of natural labor and feel too exhausted to continue and need an epidural.  I am not going to beat myself up over anything.  Or feel like I didn’t get the experience I wanted because a change in plans occurred.  I believe that as long as I stay true to myself and listen to my body and the baby then I will bring this soul into the world healthy and happy.  Gurmukh reminds her readers that every baby is the author of her birth.  I will let baby Friedman write her birth story. 

                Gurmukh also suggests a sacred space, such as an altar, be set up to practice these meditations.  To be honest, I have never seriously meditated and certainly haven’t tried to set up my own sacred space to do so, but, again, I love this idea!  Why not have a baby Friedman shrine as I am mentally preparing to go through the trials of labor?  So, last night I purchased a small gold painted statue of Buddha and an ornate candle votive for my shrine.  I am also going to frame one of my ultrasound photographs to be place on the shrine.  I am still in need of some pretty or sentimental fabric to cover the shrine.  

                I even shared with Joe some of the meditations that are suggested for couples to do – both Joe and I had a good laugh at this.  Anyone who knows Joe knows he is far from the meditation type of guy.  You never know though…he might see my shrine and want to partake!   

The Giving Tree

Last year, when I was studying and preparing to convert to Judaism, our class instructor, Rabbi Gotlieb, went on a tangent about the children’s book The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein.  I don’t remember how the tangent got started, but the discussion left quite an impression on me.  Rabbi Gotlieb said he absolutely hated the book because the little boy is so selfish and keeps taking from the tree, and the tree keeps getting used and duped by the boy.  He said that if the tree was a real person, and this was an authentic human to human relationship, the tree would end up hating the boy by the time the boy returns to the tree as an old man and uses the stump of the tree to rest his weary and aging body.

                I gave the rabbi’s thoughts some serious consideration.  I’ve always had fond memories of The Giving Tree.  It is a children’s literature classic – who doesn’t have a great memory of their kindergarten teacher reading it during story time on the reading rug?  But the rabbi had a point – if this was a human relationship, would the tree hate the boy?  Was the little boy just a spoiled, selfish little brat who just took and took from the tree?

So, this morning, on Thanksgiving Day, I pulled the book from Liam’s bookshelf, and I reread The Giving Tree.  And I’ve come up with two different interpretations that challenge the wise rabbi.  One: the tree represents motherhood.  Although Silverstein keeps the tree gender neutral, the tree gives of her entire body.  And this is motherhood.  I think this is exaggerated in motherhood right after baby is born, especially if mother is breastfeeding, but it extends past that first year.  (Or if you’re like my husband and you were breastfed until age three, then past the toddler years!)  The tree gives the boy love, companionship, branches to swing from, apples to eat and sell, wood to build his home, and finally a stump to rest upon.  The tree loves the boy unconditionally and not only shows this through being selfless and giving, but shows this through always being there for the boy.  The tree is a constant in the boy’s life.  Sometimes it is years before the boy returns to the tree, but the tree is still there and welcoming.  I suppose this is what motherhood is like when children become young adults and leave home.  They won’t come home every night, and depending on where they live, they may only come home once a year, but as mothers (and parents) we are expected to accept this growth and continue to be welcoming.  And Silverstein does not leave the tree without feelings.  After the boy grows older and doesn’t visit the tree much, the tree is lonely.  Her true happiness is when the boy returns.

Two: the tee is a hyperbolized character in literature who exemplifies the ultimate being of giving.  Often in literature, character traits are exaggerated.  There are classic archetypes in literature: prince charming, the wicked step-mother, the evil villain who loses in the end, the boy/girl who goes from rags to riches from good deeds, etc.  No one reads about these characters and expects them to represent authentic human beings because their lives and circumstances are so extreme that they are beyond reality.  We learn from these characters easily since their motivations are so transparent.  The tree loves the boy unconditionally and continuously gives without regret or an expectation of a return.   

In her book on writing, Bird by Bird, Ann Lamott writes: “We like certain characters because they are good or decent – they internalize some decency in the world that makes them able to take a risk or make a sacrifice for someone else.  They let us see that there is in fact some sort of moral compass still at work here, and that we, too, could travel by this compass if we so choose.”  The tree is this moral compass pointing us in the direction of giving without wanting.  Not many of us can say we give like the tree, but reading The Giving Tree is a reminder that decency is still alive and we can choose to give to others – the choice is ours. 

So, Rabbi Gotlieb and all others who think the tree a weak character, consider the tree as a moral compass – not as a representation of an actual person.  And I don’t think the boy needs to be analyzed much in the story – the tree is the character who teaches us about life and being a better person.  I’m sure no one would argue with me saying that the world would be a better place if we all gave a little more to those in need – if we all had a little more of the giving tree within us.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Back at it!

Hi all! I’m back to the blogger scene with a new blog!  A few things in my life have changed since I was last posting in my previous blog, “Joe’s Jew”: I got married and I’m pregnant!  Pregnancy is one of those magical times in a woman’s life, but it is also a time in which your body becomes completely taken over by another person and that is taxing.  I am now in my third trimester with less than 10 weeks before go-time, and I can’t wait to deliver this baby.  I miss me!  I miss being able to see my toes (not that I have particularly great feet or anything, but still.)  I miss being able to sleep on my stomach – I’ve been a tummy sleeper all my life.  I miss being able to walk easily up stairs. I miss running.  I miss my nightly glass of wine.  The list goes on. 

Last week I found myself doing two particularly strange things for an eight month pregnant woman.  I applied for a job that begins in January (when I’m due) and I went to try on clothes in my pre-pregnancy weight size – I know, wtf was I thinking?!  I can only rationalize my behavior by fessing up to the fact that I miss the old me so much that I am desperately engaging in behaviors that only the old me would be successful at.  After a phone interview, and being called back for an in-person interview, I had to admit that I actually couldn’t continue with the interview process since I would not be able to start in January if I were the right fit.  And I was actually laughing at myself in the dressing room as I was trying on clothes that were too small for me.  It was ridiculous. I knew they wouldn’t fit, but I tried them on anyway.

So, “How Kari Sees It” is a place where I can access the old me – the writer in me!  Baby can take my body and a decent part of my mind space, but there is still some brain left!  Why the title?  Well, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to a few colleagues of mine at work about the TV show Glee!  I admitted that the character Sue Sylvester was kind of my idol.  And one of my colleagues said that at my funniest and wittiest, I am the Sue Sylvester of the school.  I could not have been more honored!  And if you’re a Glee! watcher – you might find this fact either hilarious or disturbing – can really go both ways! There is a segment on the show called "How Sue Sees It," so I thought the title for my blog was fitting.  I also think the title is a nice tribute to my old last name. I used to be Kari C.  Now I’m Kari F.  I’ll be writing about life - some baby talk, some married life talk, whatever suits my fancy! Enjoy!