New Kids on the Block!

Of course our move in date had to be on Easter Sunday and our entire block was dressed in their Sunday best and mingling on their front lawns when our U-Haul rolled up.   All eyes were on us.  Everyone knew we were the new kids on the block.  I was following Joe in my Prius and over heard two ladies across the street chatting.  Lady #1: “Is it just a couple moving in?”  Lady #2: “I heard they have three kids.”

By far, this was one of the strangest experiences of my life.  It was like something out of a movie.  Throughout the afternoon several families from the block came over to introduce themselves.  They were all friendly and welcoming. 

The following day one of the kids from across the street asked Liam if he wanted to come out to play.  (It is pretty darn cute – all the neighborhood kids meet from about 4-6 each day and play outside on a grassy knoll area that links our street with another street.)  Liam was a bit intimidated, but he eventually gave in.  He ended up having a great time!  And I got to chat it up with several of the moms.  Whew!  I need to have my A-Game on when I am with the other moms!

I suggested to Liam that we get his tricycle out from the garage and another mom told her kids to get their bikes as well.  Of course, she reminded them to get their helmets.  Liam looked up and me and said, “Mom, I want a helmet.”  Yikes!!!!! I realize Liam has no helmet.   Panic!!!!! I don’t want to be looked down upon or given the scarlet letter for the “unsafe parent.”  Quickly, I come up with a perfect white lie.  “Liam, your helmet is still in storage someplace.  You’ll just have to be extra careful today.”   Brilliant.

And of course, the other moms introduce me to their children as Mrs. Friedman.  Jeez!  I mean, I love the manners and I’m all about teaching my son how to be courteous, but I only remember referring to adults as Mr. and Mrs. if they were my teachers.  But, I am the newbie on the block so I’m going to abide by the established rules.  Mrs. Friedman it is kiddos.

Difficult Conversations

I have been somewhat dreading the conversation with Liam where I explain to him that Joe isn’t his birth father.  There are many reasons why this conversation makes me uncomfortable.  First of all, Joe is Liam’s only daddy.  Liam has no contact with his birth father so Joe is daddy in every way with the exception that they do not share DNA.  But I know that Liam needs to know the truth.  It’s not right to make up lies or be dishonest with someone about something this important.  What if Liam’s father were to pop back into our lives?  Or we may need to contact his father for medical information.  We are currently in the process of having Joe adopt Liam, but this could take awhile.  And I know that my window for explaining the situation to Liam is open now.  

A few weeks ago, on a flight I was taking out to New York City, I sat next to a gentleman who told me about the day he found out that his brother was actually his half-brother.  His brother was quite some years older and it was his wedding day.  His mother pulled him aside and explained to him that his brother would be called by a different last name in the ceremony because he has a different father.  The gentleman said that he was truly hurt by this since he always thought they had the same parents.  He was about 7 years old.  I, too, have a half-brother.  But I never remember being told that we had different fathers.  It was just something that I always knew.   And my brother’s father lived in another state and he didn’t visit much.  So, I must have been told at some point (most likely I was retold at various times).  But I don’t remember being told, and I’ve never had any issues with my brother being my half-brother.  To me he is as much my brother as my other brother who is my full sibling.

I don’t want Liam to remember being told that Joe isn’t his birth father.  I just want it to be something that he has always known.  

So the other day, Liam and I were playing with Marlo.  He asked me if she came out of my tummy.  I said yes (no need to get too detailed here!)  I thought this was a good lead-in to the conversation I have been dreading.  I told Liam that he came out of my tummy, too, and that it takes a man and a woman to make a baby.  I told him that mommy and daddy made Marlo, but mommy and a different man made him.  He got a very concerned look on his face and said, “Mommy, I don’t want a new daddy.”  Immediately, I said that he wasn’t going to get a new daddy and that Joey is his daddy and will always be his daddy, but a different man made him.  He was silent for a moment – either in deep thought or deep confusion (most likely the later.)  He broke his silence with picking up a toy and asking me to play with him.

I know that I will have to make references to this conversation many times in order for the information to settle in and not be forgotten.  I have to admit, though, I hate it.  Liam and Joe love each other so much.  And Joe has been daddy since Liam was about 4 months old.  I wish I could magically make Joe Liam’s birth father.  It would be different if Liam’s birth father was in the picture because then I could explain that he has two daddies.  But Liam doesn’t have two daddies – he has one.

Ugh…tough conversations.  Suggestions?   Words of encouragement?