29 years...A Few Reflections

I turned 29 this past Friday - thought I'd share some thoughts as I become (hopefully) wiser!

1.) Being a mom has aged me.  I'm shocked that I am 29.  I feel like I've been in my thirties for years.  So, yes, being a parent ages you. People should not have kids unless they are completely okay with gaining some wrinkles and gray hairs.

2.) Surprise gifts are overrated.  For my birthday this year (and for mother's day and for Hanukkah last year), I started to give myself gifts "from" Joe.  I'm not saying I don't appreciate surprises because I do, but I know how crazy busy Joe is and finding the time to go out and get me a gift is just another thing on his to-do list. (He's never put it that way, but the man's spare time is spent with our kiddos.) So I get myself something and let him know the gift he's giving me.  It's a win, win situation.

3.) "It's easy to be heavy, hard to be light" - G.K. Chesterton.  I love this quote and try to remind myself of this daily.  As the momma of the Friedman household, I have a huge influence over the general state of happiness in our home.  Mothers have the power to make the home a happy place just through their own attitude.  I try to keep this in mind on the days I am being short or am irritated with Liam because he is asking me for a cookie at breakfast for the tenth time.

4.) The adage "the days are long, but the years are short" has gotten me through many tantrums, many kitchen clean ups, and many sleepless nights nursing my children back to sleep.

5.) Organization and knowing where shit is rocks!  I've always struggled with organization.  And I used to tell myself and others that being disorganized was a part of me. I was just not cut out to be the organized, paper filing, compartment making person.  But over the past two years, I've made a concerted effort to organize our lives.  I have file boxes for the kids' important papers, file boxes for Joe and me, and I've brought order to the chaos of family life and I LOVE it.  I am no longer a disorganized person.  Just because organization doesn't come naturally to me doesn't mean I can't be organized.

6.) The most precious time, is family time.  I work hard to make sure that our weekends are fun and filled with plenty of family orientated activities.  I am not always in the mood to make pancakes and eggs on Saturday mornings, but Joe and Liam love it.  It's so much more exciting than a cold bowl of cereal.  On Sundays Joe and I would love to just veg out all day and read the Sunday paper, but Liam and Marlo need our attention.  So we're usually at the park by 9 am or washing the cars (because Liam is obsessed with cars) or making a day trip to Los Angeles to visit the grandparents.   

7.) Lastly, make the effort to record memories.  Liam loves to go through baby pictures and watch our family videos.  It takes time and energy to remember the camera and to make the photo album, but it's one of the best ways for children to remember the good times!  And Joe and I love going through pictures and videos too.  As the daughter of a photographer, I have always known the value of pictures and the stories they tell and retell over the years.

Friedman Family Vacation 2010

Click here to view this photo book larger

Shutterfly photo books offer a wide range of artful designs and embellishments to choose from.

Ten Lessons I Learned from my Mother

Frequently, I am surprised by how often I ask myself, “What would my mother do?”  I am almost thirty years old and I still want my mother’s approval.  I care deeply about her opinion.  Part of this stems from our closeness.  We talk every day.  Sometimes we talk multiple times a day.  She is one of my closest friends.  I absolutely adore her and am grateful beyond words for her friendship.  I know many mothers and daughters do not have this kind of close relationship so I know how special this is.

I had an interesting thought the other day.  I began to wonder what things Marlo would do just because I told her that it was the best way to do something.  Would Marlo seek my approval like I seek my mother’s approval?  

Just to be clear about the ways in which my mother has influenced my day to day life, I will share a few lessons I learned from my mother.

       1.)  One day out in the sun is one year of aging to your skin.  I have no idea if this is true, but I wear sunscreen religiously and lather my children and Joe in it.  (Let me emphasize that the evil from the sun, according to my mother, is wrinkling, not melanoma.)

       

        2.) Tall, thin women with curly hair, should never cut their hair short. I made the mistake one time of cutting my hair short and I have never heard the end of it.  My mother refers to that time of my life as "that time I had that stupid hair."  Usually, there is a little rant that proceeds this about how she'll never understand why I did such an awful thing to myself.  My mother often reminds me that a tall, thin woman with short, curly hair looks like a Q-Tip.

       

      3.) Never Wear Horizontal Stripes: Horizontal stripes make your rear-end look large and visually widen you.  I can't tell you how many striped sweaters I've overlooked just because my mother always told me never to wear horizontal stripes.  The truth - I like stripes. I think people look good in stripes.  I have tons of girlfriends who wear stripes and I never think they look bigger.  The few things I have with stripes are subtle; the stripes are so small you don't even see the pattern from afar.

     

      4.) Pretty girls don't need to wear patterns.  My mother always told me that if you have a pretty face, you don't need to worry about wearing something that is distracting or has a lot going on.  My mother always told me I was pretty so I could dress simply and still be stunning.  To this day, I feel strange if I buy a dress with a pattern.  I stick to solids and neutral, earth colors that go with everything.  But I often see women wearing bright colors and bold, beautiful patterns and admire them.  They look fun and adventurous.  My closet says dull, boring - no salt or spice added.  For the past five years for Halloween, I have either been a black cat or a witch becuase I have so much black in my closet those are consistently the go-to costumes.

       

        I'm sure most of my readers know my mother, or at least know that she has been a professional photographer for over 35 years.  Analyzing faces and people is her job.  She can't help but have an opinion, a strong one.  When I was in middle school, I got used to the fact that my mother would pull off the highway to pop a blackhead off my face if she saw one.  I've been critiqued so many times about my clothes or my hair, that I don't even take it personally.  Honestly, I don't.  I know she is giving me her honest, professional opinion.  And if your own mother can't be honest with you, who can?

   

       There are two domestic lessons I learned from my mother: 

        

        5.) Always make your bed. A made bed means order.  Even if it is made 10 minutes before you go to bed, order is brought to your home.

        6.) Fold towels the right way. I have a vague memory of my mother complaining about the fact that my father didn't know how to fold towels correctly.  I made an effort to learn how to fold them.  I suppose I thought arguing over folding towels was silly. 

       I wish this list was longer because my mother is an excellant home maker.  But, at least the beds are made and the towels are folded properly in the Friedman household!

      My favorite lessons I learned from my mother have to do with character. 

      7.)  Be inclusive.   My mother welcomes everyone and anyone into her home.  She never wanted anyone to feel left out.  I always make an effort to include our family and friends in our lives.  Sometimes it's just the invitation and the thought that counts.

      8.) You can always come home.  I showed up at my mom's house 9 months pregnant and utterly alone because I knew that she would be the one person who loved me enough to take me in and support me through a very difficult time in my life.  I hope my children grow up knowing they always have a home with me.  I'm not saying my mother approved of everything I did, but she made it clear that I could tell her anything and didn't need to fear that she would disown me. 

     

     9.) Be good to those you love.  My mother reminds me of how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband and two adorable children.  She tells me how important it is to be a good daughter-in-law and add to Joe's family.  To make my mother happy, you just need to put her around the people she loves.  I admire how simple and beautiful this is.  Whenever I'm having a bad day, I try to think about Joe, Liam, and Marlo - my three, precious gifts where there is only love to be found (and a lot of trantrums and diapers.)

     10.) Laugh.  My mother has this wonderful ability to laugh through all avenues of  her life.  A few weeks ago when Liam told me while we were in the car that he had to go poopoo and we were no where near a bathroom, I laughed while I held a plastic bag under his little tush on the side of the road.  (Apparently, doing private things on the side of the road seems to run in the family.) 

   And of course, happy Jewish New Year! Shana Tova!  (Mom, if you read this, I know you are written in the  Book of Life and I love you dearly!)

    

What a difference a day makes!

Yesterday, I had a nanny for six hours and all I can say is WOW!  My sanity is coming back!  It’s silly that it has taken me this long to finally admit that I need help; I need a break.  I think Wednesday night was my breaking point.  Joe was gone for a business dinner and I was at home with the kids, as usual.  This didn’t bother me too much.  With Joe’s job, I am used to last minute dinners and him telling me that he has to go out of town the night before the flight leaves.  But this past Wednesday was a long day for me.  I couldn’t get Marlo to nap when Liam did so that meant no break for me.  Marlo then had a difficult time going down for the night.  She’s teething so she’s been a bit uncomfortable.   It took an hour for me to finally get her to sleep.

We have been letting Liam fall asleep on a mat in our room and then we move him to his bed after he falls asleep – I know, bad idea, but I’ve yet to write my post on my numerous errors on getting my kids to sleep.   Usually, he is very quiet because he knows that Marlo sleeps in our room, but about ten minutes after I put him down, he started screaming for me.  Marlo woke up and I had the both of them in tears. 

I felt like I was losing it.  I was so angry that Liam woke Marlo up.  I told him that he had no choice but to sleep in his room.  Of course, he was very upset and was screaming and crying from his room while I tried to get Marlo back down.  After I finally got her to sleep, I just didn’t have it in me to put down another crying child.  I sat out in front of Liam’s door for a couple of minutes and listened to him cry.  I don’t know if I was deciding whether or not to go in, or if I was just building up the patience to take on another crying session.  I finally gave into his cries – partly because hearing my boy cry breaks my heart, and partly because I feared his crying would wake Marlo up again.  

As I snuggled my boy to sleep, tears were streaming down my face.  I guess I was just tired from the day.  By then it was 10 p.m.  and I had been with children non-stop since 6 a.m.  When Liam finally fell asleep I knew that I had to get some help from someone.  I need some time for myself during the week.  This is complicated since Marlo still will not take a bottle.  Well, in full disclosure, I just gave up trying to give it to her.  

But, thankfully, a girl friend of mine from the neighborhood told me that her nanny is available on Fridays.  On Thursday I arranged for help on Friday and it was fantastic.  I didn’t leave Marlo with the nanny for the entire time since I still need to nurse her, but I was able to go to Trader Joe’s on my own and finally see a physical therapist for my shoulder.  Next Friday is another round of P.T. and I might even try to see a dentist (I am ashamed and embarrassed how long it’s been since I’ve gone to a dentist.)

I don’t know why I felt so guilty about getting help.  It’s silly really.  Being a stay-at-home mom is still (and I’m sure will always be) a learning process.  But, I now know that I do need a little help during the week and I think I might even try the bottle again.  Who knows? Maybe she’ll dig it now that she’s 7 months.

Plus...one funny Liam conversation:

From the bathroom this morning

Liam: Mom! Come check out my poop!  It looks like like dragon poop!

My immediate thought - what does dragon poop look like?