Ten Lessons I Learned from my Mother

Frequently, I am surprised by how often I ask myself, “What would my mother do?”  I am almost thirty years old and I still want my mother’s approval.  I care deeply about her opinion.  Part of this stems from our closeness.  We talk every day.  Sometimes we talk multiple times a day.  She is one of my closest friends.  I absolutely adore her and am grateful beyond words for her friendship.  I know many mothers and daughters do not have this kind of close relationship so I know how special this is.

I had an interesting thought the other day.  I began to wonder what things Marlo would do just because I told her that it was the best way to do something.  Would Marlo seek my approval like I seek my mother’s approval?  

Just to be clear about the ways in which my mother has influenced my day to day life, I will share a few lessons I learned from my mother.

       1.)  One day out in the sun is one year of aging to your skin.  I have no idea if this is true, but I wear sunscreen religiously and lather my children and Joe in it.  (Let me emphasize that the evil from the sun, according to my mother, is wrinkling, not melanoma.)

       

        2.) Tall, thin women with curly hair, should never cut their hair short. I made the mistake one time of cutting my hair short and I have never heard the end of it.  My mother refers to that time of my life as "that time I had that stupid hair."  Usually, there is a little rant that proceeds this about how she'll never understand why I did such an awful thing to myself.  My mother often reminds me that a tall, thin woman with short, curly hair looks like a Q-Tip.

       

      3.) Never Wear Horizontal Stripes: Horizontal stripes make your rear-end look large and visually widen you.  I can't tell you how many striped sweaters I've overlooked just because my mother always told me never to wear horizontal stripes.  The truth - I like stripes. I think people look good in stripes.  I have tons of girlfriends who wear stripes and I never think they look bigger.  The few things I have with stripes are subtle; the stripes are so small you don't even see the pattern from afar.

     

      4.) Pretty girls don't need to wear patterns.  My mother always told me that if you have a pretty face, you don't need to worry about wearing something that is distracting or has a lot going on.  My mother always told me I was pretty so I could dress simply and still be stunning.  To this day, I feel strange if I buy a dress with a pattern.  I stick to solids and neutral, earth colors that go with everything.  But I often see women wearing bright colors and bold, beautiful patterns and admire them.  They look fun and adventurous.  My closet says dull, boring - no salt or spice added.  For the past five years for Halloween, I have either been a black cat or a witch becuase I have so much black in my closet those are consistently the go-to costumes.

       

        I'm sure most of my readers know my mother, or at least know that she has been a professional photographer for over 35 years.  Analyzing faces and people is her job.  She can't help but have an opinion, a strong one.  When I was in middle school, I got used to the fact that my mother would pull off the highway to pop a blackhead off my face if she saw one.  I've been critiqued so many times about my clothes or my hair, that I don't even take it personally.  Honestly, I don't.  I know she is giving me her honest, professional opinion.  And if your own mother can't be honest with you, who can?

   

       There are two domestic lessons I learned from my mother: 

        

        5.) Always make your bed. A made bed means order.  Even if it is made 10 minutes before you go to bed, order is brought to your home.

        6.) Fold towels the right way. I have a vague memory of my mother complaining about the fact that my father didn't know how to fold towels correctly.  I made an effort to learn how to fold them.  I suppose I thought arguing over folding towels was silly. 

       I wish this list was longer because my mother is an excellant home maker.  But, at least the beds are made and the towels are folded properly in the Friedman household!

      My favorite lessons I learned from my mother have to do with character. 

      7.)  Be inclusive.   My mother welcomes everyone and anyone into her home.  She never wanted anyone to feel left out.  I always make an effort to include our family and friends in our lives.  Sometimes it's just the invitation and the thought that counts.

      8.) You can always come home.  I showed up at my mom's house 9 months pregnant and utterly alone because I knew that she would be the one person who loved me enough to take me in and support me through a very difficult time in my life.  I hope my children grow up knowing they always have a home with me.  I'm not saying my mother approved of everything I did, but she made it clear that I could tell her anything and didn't need to fear that she would disown me. 

     

     9.) Be good to those you love.  My mother reminds me of how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband and two adorable children.  She tells me how important it is to be a good daughter-in-law and add to Joe's family.  To make my mother happy, you just need to put her around the people she loves.  I admire how simple and beautiful this is.  Whenever I'm having a bad day, I try to think about Joe, Liam, and Marlo - my three, precious gifts where there is only love to be found (and a lot of trantrums and diapers.)

     10.) Laugh.  My mother has this wonderful ability to laugh through all avenues of  her life.  A few weeks ago when Liam told me while we were in the car that he had to go poopoo and we were no where near a bathroom, I laughed while I held a plastic bag under his little tush on the side of the road.  (Apparently, doing private things on the side of the road seems to run in the family.) 

   And of course, happy Jewish New Year! Shana Tova!  (Mom, if you read this, I know you are written in the  Book of Life and I love you dearly!)