Yesterday, I had a nanny for six hours and all I can say is
WOW! My sanity is coming back! It’s silly that it has taken me this long to
finally admit that I need help; I need a break.
I think Wednesday night was my breaking point. Joe was gone for a business dinner and I was at
home with the kids, as usual. This didn’t
bother me too much. With Joe’s job, I am
used to last minute dinners and him telling me that he has to go out of town
the night before the flight leaves. But
this past Wednesday was a long day for me.
I couldn’t get Marlo to nap when Liam did so that meant no break for me. Marlo then had a difficult time going down
for the night. She’s teething so she’s
been a bit uncomfortable. It took an
hour for me to finally get her to sleep.
We have been letting Liam fall asleep on a mat in our room
and then we move him to his bed after he falls asleep – I know, bad idea, but I’ve
yet to write my post on my numerous errors on getting my kids to sleep. Usually, he is very quiet because he knows
that Marlo sleeps in our room, but about ten minutes after I put him down, he
started screaming for me. Marlo woke up
and I had the both of them in tears.
I felt like I was losing it.
I was so angry that Liam woke Marlo up.
I told him that he had no choice but to sleep in his room. Of course, he was very upset and was
screaming and crying from his room while I tried to get Marlo back down. After I finally got her to sleep, I just didn’t
have it in me to put down another crying child.
I sat out in front of Liam’s door for a couple of minutes and listened
to him cry. I don’t know if I was
deciding whether or not to go in, or if I was just building up the patience to
take on another crying session. I
finally gave into his cries – partly because hearing my boy cry breaks my
heart, and partly because I feared his crying would wake Marlo up again.
As I snuggled my boy to sleep, tears were streaming down my
face. I guess I was just tired from the
day. By then it was 10 p.m. and I had been with children non-stop since 6
a.m. When Liam finally fell asleep I
knew that I had to get some help from someone.
I need some time for myself during the week. This is complicated since Marlo still will
not take a bottle. Well, in full
disclosure, I just gave up trying to give it to her.
But, thankfully, a girl friend of mine from the neighborhood
told me that her nanny is available on Fridays.
On Thursday I arranged for help on Friday and it was fantastic. I didn’t leave Marlo with the nanny for the
entire time since I still need to nurse her, but I was able to go to Trader Joe’s
on my own and finally see a physical therapist for my shoulder. Next Friday is another round of P.T. and I might
even try to see a dentist (I am ashamed and embarrassed how long it’s been
since I’ve gone to a dentist.)
I don’t know why I felt so guilty about getting help. It’s silly really. Being a stay-at-home mom is still (and I’m
sure will always be) a learning process.
But, I now know that I do need a little help during the week and I think
I might even try the bottle again. Who
knows? Maybe she’ll dig it now that she’s 7 months.
Plus...one funny Liam conversation:
From the bathroom this morning
Liam: Mom! Come check out my poop! It looks like like dragon poop!
My immediate thought - what does dragon poop look like?
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