No cop outs - be the parent!

So I’ve been reading Bringing Up Bébé, a book about French parenting written by an American living in France.  I don’t agree with everything the book has to offer about parenting, but the author brings up various things that French parents do that I would like to start doing.

The author, Pamela Druckerman, spends a great deal of time ooohing and ahhhing over the fact that French children (specifically toddlers) know how to play independently.  She says that at a French playground it is rare to see parents digging in the sand with their kids.  Their children know how to play on their own and do so happily.  

I know it is only a short amount of time until Marlo is old enough to play with Liam and I’ll be off the hook for playtime, but in the meantime, I am Liam’s number one play bud.  He always wants me to play with him.  And of course I want to spend time with my son and play, but not all day.  And there are times when I need to get things done.  Turning on the TV is the easy fix.  He doesn’t need me to watch TV with him, but I’ve really been working on limiting TV time.  I want Liam to learn how to play independently, even if it is just for short intervals of time.

Yesterday was the first time I rolled out this new demand and, boy, was it rough!  Marlo was having a difficult time falling asleep for her morning nap.  Liam would not leave us alone and I just needed to nurse her in peace.  Again, I could have turned on the TV for him while I put Marlo down, but I thought this was the perfect opportunity to suggest some independent playtime.  When I asked him to play on his own, he refused.  I then told him that he had to go to his room to play because I needed to put Marlo down and that he was not allowed to be near us at the time.   There was a good five to ten minutes of sulking and crying, “I want Daddy.” But eventually Liam went into his room and played quietly while I nursed Marlo to sleep.  After she was snoozing, I went into Liam’s room and told him how proud I was that he was playing on his own and left Marlo and me to a peaceful feeding.

When Joe got home I told him about this and he said he thought it was a good idea to get him to play more independently.   We both agreed that we give in to Liam a lot in order to avoid his tantrums.  I’ll play with him, let him watch TV, or have an extra snack because if I don’t give in there will be an ear piercing tantrum.  And this just shows him that you can throw a tantrum and get what you want – such the wrong message.  I mean, sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the grease, but I know this is not the life skill I want to be teaching my son.   I need to stop taking the cop out of giving in and be the parent! (That’s my little pep talk I sometimes repeat to myself when the remote control looks appealing.)

Druckerman also writes about how French parents get their babies sleeping through the night by around 2-3 months.  I have plenty to say about this topic so I’m going to save it for my next post!

(And of course if anyone has any great suggestions on how to get kids to play more independently, I’d love to hear them!)